Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
One day this guy with a stuttering problem walked up to the foreman and said, “I wwwouldd lllike a jjob pppllleaase.” The foreman said, “I would really like to son, but with that stuttering problem you have, I can’t. We have a lot of bricks that fall around here and by the time you got the words out, someone would get hurt.” The stutterer said, “Bbbbutt I rrreally nnneed a jjobb.” The foreman said, “Look, if you go home and…
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A six year old comes crying to his Mother because his little sister pulled his hair. “Don’t be angry,” the Mother says, “Your little sister doesn’t realize that pulling hair hurts.” A short while later, there’s more crying, and the Mother goes to investigate. This time the sister is bawling and her brother says…”Now she knows.”
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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life. Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. I intend to live forever – so far, so good. Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire. If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that…
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APPLICATION FOR ARKANSAS DRIVERS LICENSE Last name: __________________________ First name: (Check appropriate box) [_] Billy-Bob [_] Bobby-Sue [_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo [_] Billy-Ray [_] Bobby-Ann [_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee [_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen [_] Billy-Jack [_] Bobby-Beth Age: ____ (if unsure, guess) Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ Not sure Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right Occupation: [_] Farmer [_] Mechanic [_] Hair Dresser [_] Waitress [_] Unemployed [_] Dirty Politician Spouse’s Name: __________________________ 2nd Spouse’s Name: _______________________ 3rd Spouse’s…
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A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, “That new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?” The man replies, “All I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious . . . Hollandaise Sauce. I loved it so much I now put…
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SYSTEM: Attention. Alert registered. CENTRAL: Alert? Number One, report! NUMBER ONE: Sir! We’re picking up loud music. CENTRAL: Music? We were just asleep! NUMBER ONE: Yes sir. Ears report it’s “The Last Train to Clarksville.” CENTRAL: Good lord, are we being tortured? NUMBER ONE: Sir, Eyes are functional and request instruction. CENTRAL: Tell them to open up and try to find out what is going on. NUMBER ONE: Scope! Okay, I see darkness… darkness… Wait, there’s a woman sleeping there.…
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A boy and his classmates arrive at school on Monday. Their teacher tells them that every Friday he will ask the class a question on what they have been learning, and that whoever answers it correctly will not have to go to school until Tuesday. With this, the boy decides for the first week to see how hard the question is. On Friday, the teacher asks the class, “How much water is in the Atlantic Ocean?” The boy thinks to…
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One day a man walks up to a beautiful woman working in a library. “I’ll bet you three hundred dollars that by this time tomorrow your nipples will be gone” The woman is completely shocked and doesn’t know what to say. “I’m completely serious,” he says as he puts an envelope full of money on the counter “by this time tomorrow your nipples will be gone. You won’t see me until tomorrow and i will not attack you and slice…
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One day this guy was driving a truck with his new pet parrot. He sees a hitch-hiker and pulls over to pick her up, but right before the girl gets in, the parrot says, “No fuck, no ride!” Horrified, the girl runs away. The truck driver says to the parrot, “That wasn’t nice!” He sees another girl goes to pick her up and the same thing happens. This time the truck driver says, “If you do that one more time…
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There was an alien man and a human man talking on a porch one day. They were talking about whos wife is better in bed. They eventually decide to switch girlfriends for one night. The alien took the human girl into his room and pulled off his pants. He was like 2 inches long. “I dont think this will work out” she said. So he smiles and pulls on his ear. It grows longer. The alien keeps doin this untill…
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