Th th Jokes - page 621

Amazon Jungle Percussion

A scientist is deep in the amazon rainforest. When he walks through a native village he suddenly hears drums playing from beyond. The natives panic and run away. The scientist stops one of them and asks what’s going on. “Is bad” the man says, “Is very bad when drums stop”. And the man runs away. The scientist walks on through the (now abandoned) village when suddenly the drums stop. Quickly he jumps into one of the houses. In the house…

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Sister Mary Jane

Sister Mary Jane, a nun from a convent a block away from Jack’s liquor store, walked in and said,”Oh Jack, give me a pint o’ the brandy.” “Sister Mary Jane,” exclaimed Jack, “I can’t do that! I’ve never sold alcohol to a nun in my life!” “Oh Jack,” she responded, “it’s only for the Mother Superior.” Her voice dropped, “It cures constipation, you know.” So Jack sold her the brandy. Later that night, Jack closed the store and walked home.…

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Some select Oxymorons

Act naturally Found missing Resident alien Genuine imitation Same difference Government organization Sanitary landfill Living dead Military intelligence New classic “Now, then …” Synthetic natural gas Clearly misunderstood Definite maybe Pretty ugly Working vacation Exact estimate Good Grief and Microsoft Works!

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Family Letters

Dear dad, $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can’t think of anything I need, $o if you like you can $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on. ***************************************** Dear son, I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even a hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task,…

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Top 10 Reasons I Should’ve Stayed Single

10. I’d get to see what my paycheck looks like. 9. I’d get to see what my credit cards look like. 8. I’d remember what an erection looks like. 7. Bachelors don’t have Mother-in-laws. 6. I could use my own name at hotels. 5. I wouldn’t have a driving instructor grading me every time I go somewhere. 4. You can see other women better when you don’t have to look out the corner of your eye. 3. When asked his…

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MORE ‘Male Bashing’ Q&A

Why does a man have a clear conscience? Because it’s never used. Why are men so happy? Because ignorance is bliss. Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for a man, than for a women? Because when it’s time to go back to childhood, he’s already there. How do men exercise at the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a woman in a bikini. What’s the difference between government bonds and men? Bonds mature. How many men…

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