Th th Jokes - page 580

Scream for Ice Cream

A middle-aged woman took her three-year-old granddaughter, Molly, out for ice cream. She asked Molly what she wanted. Molly said, “I want banilla!” The woman said, “Honey, it’s *V*anilla. V–not B.” Molly tried saying it again, but it came out VaBanilla. After some more coaxing, Molly finally said, “Vvvvvanilla!” The woman said, “YES! Now, tell me again–what kind of ice cream do you want?” Molly said, “I think I want chocolate.”

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spot

Why did the White House name their dog Lucky? So nobody would be running around the White House yelling, “Cum Spot! Cum Spot!”

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Mujibar

Mujibar was trying to get into America legally through Immigration. The Immigration Officer said, “Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except there is one more test. Unless you pass it you cannot enter America.” Mujibar said, “I ready now sir for take testing.” The officer said, “Make a sentence using the words ‘Yellow’, ‘Pink’ and ‘Green’.” Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, “Mister Officer, I ready.” The Officer said, “Go ahead.” Mujibar said, “The telephone goes green,…

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blonde

A blonde dials 911 to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher. “They’ve stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, and even the accelerator!” she cries. The 911 dispatcher says, “Stay calm. An officer is on the way. He will be there in two minutes.” Before the police get to the crime scene, however, the 911 dispatcher’s telephone rings a second time, and the same blonde…

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Blonde On a Boeing 747

Coming on board the Boeing 747 for the first time in her life, the young blonde can hardly contain her excitement and nervousness at riding a jumbo jet for the very first time. In fact, she is so giddy with excitement that she can barely contain herself. To release tension caused by her nervousness, she starts running up and down the aisle from seat to seat, happily chanting in a very loud voice, “BOEING! BOEING! BOEING! BOEING!” Hearing the ruckus…

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Cooking Advice

Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says, “You know, I just can’t seem to get a tender Missionary. I’ve baked them, I’ve roasted them, I’ve stewed them, I’ve tried every sort of marinade. I just can’t seem to get them tender.” The second cannibal asks, “What kind of Missionary do you use?” The other replied, “You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a…

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Lewinsky’s new book

Possible Titles for Lewinsky’s New Book: I Suck At My Job What Really Goes Down In The White House : How I Blew It In Washington You Have to Work Hard to Find the Softer Side of the President Testing the Limits of the Gag Rule Going Back for Gore Secret Services to the President Harass is Not Two Words: The Story of Bill Clinton Deep Inside The Oval Office The Congressional Study on White House Intern Positions She’s Chief…

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Read JokeLewinsky’s new book