Th th Jokes - page 32

Advice to Northerners..ya’ll

“This is to hep yu’all who don’t have the plesur of livin in the sunny South, which is sometimes covered in ice! Those who do, will wunder why these wus ever wrote down in the furst place.” Sayings in the South: “Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit. “It’s been hotter’n a goat’s butt in a pepper patch.” “Have a cup of coffee, it’s already ‘saucered and blowed.” “It’s so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs.” “My…

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THE GUMWRAPPER

There was a dumb blonde, a smart blonde, a tooth fairy, and Santa Claus. They were walking down the sidewalk, and saw a 10 dollar bill laying on the ground. WHO PICKED IT UP??? No one, why?? Because Santa Claus and the tooth fairy don’t exist. There is no such thing as a smart blonde and the dumb blonde thought it was a gumwrapper!

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Three Men in an Airplane

Three men are on an airplane, flying over the ocean. The aircraft is in trouble, and the captain soon comes on over the intercom and says, “Folks, we’re having some serious problems here. I want everyone to assume crash position.” The first guy, after hearing this, he stands up and starts taking off all his clothes. His two friends see this, and say, “Hey! What are you doing that for?” and the man replies, “I’m not a very good swimmer,…

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snakes on the nude beach

Two friends are lying on the nude beach, suddenly a snake comes by, and takes a bite of one guy’s dick. His friend runs to the nearest emergency post, and tells the whole story. The girl of the emergency post says: “You’ll have to suck the poison out, otherwise your friend will be dead in 15 minutes.” He runs back as fast as he can. His friend is still lying there, and as soon as he see the friend he…

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The Recovered Sofa

Maybe you can assist me with a problem which I’m having with a friend. She owns a used furniture store, and a few weeks ago the store was burglarized. The only thing taken was a big, beautiful, high-back fabric sofa, valued at over $1,000. My friend was devastated, as it was the finest used item in the entire store. Police speculate that it was the only item stolen, simply because the thieves were not able to carry anything else out…

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The New Titanic script

(Scene 1) KATE WINSLET: My, this is a fancy boat, isn’t it? KATE’S WEASELLY FIANCE: Yes, it certainly is. Here is the art you asked for. It is by an artist named “Picasso.” I am certain he will amount to nothing. KATE: Ha ha ha. That is very funny to our 90’s audience, because they know these priceless paintings will sink with the boat. LEONARDO DiCAPRIO: Hello, I’m Leonardo DiCaprio. Perhaps you have seen the many Internet sites dedicated to…

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Winning the Lottery

A guy runs home and bursts in yelling, “Pack your bags, honey! I’ve just won the lottery!” She says, “Oh wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or the mountains?” He replies, “I don’t care…just get the **** out!”

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Turn the page

A college professor goes to bed with his wife. Figuring that he’s not that tired, he’s decides stay awake and read while she goes to sleep. So while he’s reading, every once in a while he reaches over and tickles her on the fun spot… “Kitza kitza…” She says, “Will you stop that! Will you stop reaching over here and teasing me like that?” “I’m not teasing you. I’m wetting my fingers so I can turn the page.”

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Shoot for the Moon

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous “One Small step for Man, One Giant Leap for Mankind” statement but followed it by several remarks, usual com traffic between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control. Just before he re-entered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark: “Good luck, Mr.Gorsky.” Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was…

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Girls with college boyfriends!

One day a girl went to the doctor’s office to get a physical. When she took off her shirt the doctor noticed an “A” imprinted on her stomach. So, he said to the girl, “Why in the world is there an “A” on your stomach?” The girl replied, “Well, my boyfriend came home from Arizona State College to visit me, and we got at it so hard his sweatshirt left it on my stomach. The doctor was amazed!! Then, the…

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Read JokeGirls with college boyfriends!