Th th Jokes - page 29

50th Wedding Anniversary

There was this old couple getting ready to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. The old man went out shopping to find a really nice present for his wife. When he returned home, he found his wife standing on her head naked. For the life of him, he could not figure out what in the hell she was doing , so he asked,”Honey…what in God’s name are you doing naked ,standing on your head??” “Well dear,” she replied, “it is our…

(1)Loading...

Read Joke50th Wedding Anniversary

Signs That You are Too Drunk

Signs That You are Too Drunk You lose arguments with inanimate objects. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth. Job interfering with your drinking. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alchohol stream. Career won’t progress beyong Senator from Massachusetts. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat. Sincerely believe alchohol is the elusive 5th food group. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case- coincidence?…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeSigns That You are Too Drunk

The Golden Screw

The parents of a newborn son were devastated to learn that their baby was born with a golden screw in his navel. Surgeons had never seen this before, and fearing it would harm the boy, refused to operate. The parents were very religious and accepted the birth defect as God’s will. The mother never gave up faith, and as her son grew up she prayed daily for God to cure him. The boy was very shy, always hiding his golden-screw…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeThe Golden Screw

The Grumpmeyer Diamond

The statuesque blonde walked into a dinner party on the arm of a scowling tycoon. She took her seat at the dinner table while her escort conversed with other guests. A woman sitting nearby couldn’t help staring at the huge gem hanging from her neck. “Excuse me,” the woman said, “but I must tell you… that is the most gorgeous diamond I’ve ever seen.” “Why, thank you. It’s the Grumpmeyer Diamond.” “I’m surprised I’ve never heard of it”, the woman…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeThe Grumpmeyer Diamond

Now That’s a Bad Sign

A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stop sign, hit his car broadside, and knocked him out cold. Passersby pulled him from the wreckage and revived him. He began a terrific struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics. Later, when he had calmed down, they asked him why he had struggled so. He said, a bit sheepishly, “I remember the impact, then nothing. I woke up on a concrete slab in front of this…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeNow That’s a Bad Sign

The Signalman

Andy wants a job as a signalman on the railways. He is told to meet the inspector at the signal box. The inspector puts this question to him. “What would you do if you realized that 2 trains were heading for each other on the same track?” “I would switch the points for one of the trains,” Andy replies. “What if the lever broke?” asked the inspector. “Then I’d dash down out of the signal box,” said Andy, “and I’d…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeThe Signalman

Winning the Turkey

Little Johnny was considered well endowed, and his Mother told him never to pull it out in public. One day, Johnny came home and put a large turkey on the table. His mother asked him where he got it, and he said he won it. When asked how, he said a group of guys were having a contest. Whoever had the biggest penis would win the turkey. Shocked, his Mother shouted, “You didn’t pull that thing out in public, did…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeWinning the Turkey

Getting The Most Buck For His Bang

In the early days of his career, author Erle Stanley Gardner, creator of the famous Perry Mason mysteries, churned out stories for pulp magazines at the rate of 200,000 words a month. As he was paid by the word, the length of the story was more important than its quality, and he tended to draw the maximum potential from every incident. His villains, for example, were always killed by the last bullet in the gun. Gardner’s editor once asked him…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeGetting The Most Buck For His Bang

The Old Lady

Recently, a 93 year old woman’s husband passed away at the old age of 91. The two were very close and she hated every second she lived without her husband. In fact, she was so depressed that she came to the decision that she wasn’t going to live either and that she’d kill herself to be with her husband. She wanted to make sure that she did it right so that she wouldn’t screw up and become a lemon and…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeThe Old Lady