Th th Jokes - page 134

The meaning of Easter

Three blondes have died and went up to talk to St. Peter. St. Peter says,”You can’t enter these pearly gates unless you answer my question correctly. What is Easter?” The first blonde says, “It’s that holiday in October when you thank people and stuff.” St. Peter is a little annoyed by this answer and sends her to Hell. The second one says,” It’s that holiday in February when you have that big tree and stuff.” St. Peter was really annoyed…

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You The Man!

Two gays were sitting on the edge of the bed, one turns to the other…”YOU the man!” Second gay responds, “NO, You the MAN.” First gay says, “No, No, you don’t understand, You are THE man!”

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Picking Up the Tab

A Scotsman, an Englishman and a Jew are eating dinner at a very expensive restaurant. When the check arrives, the Scotsman says, “I’ll take that.” The next day’s headlines read, “FAMOUS JEWISH VENTRILOQUIST BEATEN TO DEATH AT FANCY RESTAURANT.”

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The Farrell Twins

Darryll and Darren were identical twin boys who lived in a fishing village off the coast of Maine. Darryll Farrell was married and Darren Farrell was single. Together they both owned a small, dilapidated boat. It happened that the same day Darryll’s wife died, Darren’s boat sank. Such is the karma of twins. A kind old lady met Darren on the street and mistaking him for his brother Darryll, said: “Oh, Mr. Farrell, I’m sorry to hear of your great…

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The vegetable

Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them, “Tonight’s specials are chicken almondine and fresh fish.” “The chicken sounds good; I’ll have that,” Hillary says. The waiter nods. “And for your vegetable,” he asks. “Oh he’ll have the fish,” she replies.

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DEEP THOUGHTS

If it’s tourist season, why can’t we shoot them? If corn oil comes from corn and olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from? What was the best thing before sliced bread? Why do Kamakazie pilots wear helmets? What are Preparations A to G? What do they use to protect shipments of styrofoam? If you shoot a mime, shouldn’t you use a silencer? Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

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Three Time Widower

Jim: Joe, I hear you just got married again. Joe: Yes, for the fourth time. Jim: What happened to your first three wives? Joe: They all died, Jim. Jim: How did that happen? Joe: My first wife ate poisonous mushrooms. Jim: How terrible! And your second? Joe: She ate poisonous mushrooms, too. Jim: And your third ate poisonous mushrooms, too? Joe: Oh, no. She died of a broken neck. Jim: I see. An accident? Joe: Not exactly. She wouldn’t eat…

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