Th th Jokes - page 130

Boudreaux & Thibodeaux…

Boudreaux & Thibodeaux were standing at Heaven’s Gate, waiting to be interviewed by St. Peter. Thibodeaux: “How did you get here?” Boudreaux: “Hypothermia. You?” Thibodeaux: “You won’t believe it. I was sure my wife was cheating on me, so I came home early one day hoping to find the guy. I accused my wife of screwing around and searched the whole house without any luck. Then I felt so badly about the whole thing I had a massive heart attack.”…

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The amazing time saving idea!

A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon, and set it on the table. The diner was impressed. “Do all the waiters here carry spoons in their pockets?” The waiter replied, “Yes. Ever since an Efficiency Expert visited our restaurant… He determined that 17.8% of our diners knock the…

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Making the News

A newspaper reporter for the Los Angeles Times had received instructions from his senior editor to get photographs of a brush fire in the foothills of northern California. The instructions included hurrying to the Santa Monica Airport to board a small plane, taking some photos of the fire, and hurrying back by noon to meet a deadline. The reporter dressed quickly, rushed to the airport, saw the small plane waiting on the runway, drove his car to the end of…

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Girls are Better Than Boys!!

Little Johnny and Jane are playing in the garden when they start having an argument about whether boys are better than girls. After a while Johnny stands up and pulls down his shorts saying, “Boys are better than girls ‘cos you haven”t got one of these!!” Jane looks at him in astonishment as she knows that she hasn’t got one of those between her legs. She bursts out crying and rushes inside to her mother. A little while later she…

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Scales Don’t Lie…or Do They?

A husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you your fortune and weight, and he dropped in a coin. “Listen to this,” he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. “It says I’m energetic, bright, resourceful and a great husband.” “Yeah,” his wife nodded, “and it has your weight wrong, too.”

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writings on the cave wall

A team of archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave. Written on the wall of the cave were the following symbols in order of appearance: 1. a woman 2. a donkey 3. a shovel 4. a fish 5. a Star of David They decided that this was a unique find and the writings were at least more than three thousand years old. They chopped out the piece of stone and had it brought to the museum…

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Nude Girl and the Fire Fighting Squad

A guy sat on his toilet one day so hard, that he broke the seat in half. So he pulled out the super glue, and left it to dry. Five minutes later, his girlfriend walked in, and took a seat. When she tried to sit up, of course, she got stuck, so in a panic, the guy called 911. “The fire fighters are on their way!” he screamed to her. “Well they can’t just see me like THIS!” she cried.…

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Rabbi and the IRS

Rabbi Schwartz answers his phone. “Hello. Is this Rabbi Schwartz?” “It is.” “This is the IRS. Can you help us?” “Probably.” “Do you know a Sam Cohen?” “I do.” “Is he a member of your congregation?” “He is.” “Did he donate $10,000?” “He will.”

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