Th th th Jokes - page 596

Notre Dame Football Confession

Years ago the chaplain of the Notre Dame football team was a beloved old Irish priest. At confession one day, a football player told the priest that he had acted in an unsportmans-like manner at a recent football game. “I lost my temper and said some bad words to one of my opponents.” “Ahhh that’s a terrible thing for a Notre Dame lad to be doin’,” the priest said. He took a piece of chalk and drew a mark across…

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Blonde, Brunette, Redhead

There were 3 friends: a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. They went on a trip by car. They were driving along when their car broke down. They decided to camp out. The brunette said, “I’ll get the sleeping bags so we don’t have to sleep on the hard, dirty ground.” The redhead said, “I’ll get the cantines so when we get thirsty we’ll have water near.” The blonde said, “Well, I’ll take the door off the car so when…

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Awkward Stage

“Mum, can I ask you something?” “Sure! What about?” “Well, you see, I’m already fourteen, and I think it’s proper that I should own one now.” “And what is this ‘one’ you’re referring to?” “Could you buy me a neat set of bras?” “No.” “But, Mum, my nipples are already prominent, and they catch attention.” “Nope.” “It will hide them better….” “I said NO!” “But all of my friends wear….!” “DAVID! How many times must I tell you that bras…

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Angry Blonde at Wal-Mart

A lovely young blonde storms up to the Customer Service Desk at Wal-Mart and slams down her package to show her dissatisfaction. The young man behind the counter examines the product and asks “What’s the problem, Miss, didn’t your cat like these “Pussy Treats?” The pretty blonde opens her eyes wide in disbelief and says, “You mean these are for CATS?”

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Mix

*Why do Bees hum? Because they don’t know the words. *Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work. *What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a sheep? A Woolly Jumper. *Why do birds fly south in autumn? Because it is too far to walk. *What is yellow and very dangerous? Sharkinfested custard. *What has an eye and doesn’t cry? A needle. * When does Thursday come before Wednesday? In a dictionary. *What has wings and…

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