Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Yo mamma so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon. Yo mamma so small she hanglides on a dorito. Yo mamma’s like a doorknob, everybody gets a turn. Yo mamma’s like a bowling ball, she’s picked up, fingered, and thrown in the gutter. Yo mamma’s like a vacuum, she sucks, she blows, and a two-year old could turn her on.
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Question: Why can’t the Greeks ever win the World Cup Football (Soccer)? Answer: Because every time you give them a corner, they build a fish and chip shop.
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My family physician told me of an incident that actually happened to him back in the early days of his practice. He said a woman brought her baby to see him, and he determined right away that the baby had an earache. He wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote, “Put two drops in right ear every four hours” and he abbreviated “right” as an R with a circle around it. Several days passed, and the…
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On President Clinton’s trip to Africa, he took a trip to one of the less populated areas to see how the native tribespeople lived. He was escorted to a small village far from the beaten path. When he was introduced to the tribal chieftain he asked if he could speak to the villagers in order to spread the message of democracy. The chief obliged, assembling his tribesmen and bade President Clinton to speak. “In America,” he began, “we have a…
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George Bernard Shaw once sent two tickets to the opening night of one of his plays to Winston Churchill, with the following note: “Bring a friend, if you have one.” Churchill wrote back, returning the two tickets and excused himself as he had a previous engagement. He also attached the following: “Please send me two tickets for the next night, if there is one.”
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There were two old geezers living in the backwoods of the Ozarks . . . Rufus and Clarence. They lived on opposite sides of the river, and they hated each other. Every morning, just after sunrise, Rufus and Clarence would go down to their respective sides of the river and yell at each other. “RUFUS!!” Clarence would shout. “You better thank your lucky stars that I can’t swim . . . or I’d swim this river and whup your butt!!”…
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A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town. He’s going through his usual run of stupid blonde jokes, when a big blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says, “I’ve heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes, asshole. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does a person’s physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being?…
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An English teacher at Iowa State University spent a lot of time marking grammatical errors on her students’ written work. She wasn’t sure how much impact she was having until one overly-busy day when she sat at her desk, rubbing her tired and aching temples. A student walked by and asked, “What’s the matter, Mrs. Sheridan?” “Tense,” she replied, describing her emotional state. After a slight pause, the student tried again . . . “What was the matter? What has…
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One day, Little Johnny’s mother sent him to the store to pick up a few things. On his way home, he saw a man fall from his balcony on the 3rd floor. As soon as Johnny sees this, he ran home to tell his mother. He ran into his house and said to his mom: “Mom, mom, I just saw this man fall from a balcony on the 3rd floor of an apartment building. He fell FLAT ON HIS ASS.”…
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~The following are actual winning analogies in the “worst analogies ever written in a high school essay” contest~ They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers…
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