Th th th Jokes - page 183

What Would I Be?

A Sunday School teacher was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong. “All right, children, let’s take another example,” she said. “If I were to get into a man’s pocket and take his billfold with all his money, what would I be?” Little Johnny raises his hand, and with a confident smile, he blurts out, “You’d be his wife!”

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Social Security age test

An old man goes into the Social Security Office and fills out an application. Too old to have a birth certificate, he is asked to prove he is old enough. He opens his shirt and shows them the grey hair on his chest and they accept that as proof. He goes home to his wife, shows her the check, and explains to her what has happened. She replies, “Well get back down there, pull down your pants, and see if…

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shhhhhhhhh

There once was a blonde that went into a library and ask one of the librarians, “Can I have a large fri and a large coke.” The librarian said, “Quiet! This is a library not McDonalds.” The blonde said, “Oh I’m sorry” and she said very quietly, “Can I have a large fri and a large coke.”

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Rejected Childrens Titles

Titles of Children’s Books you probably WON’T see! 1.Some Kittens Can Fly 2.That’s it, I’m Putting You Up for Adoption 3.Grandpa Gets a Casket 4.The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator 5.Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia 6.The Kids’ Guide to Hitchhiking 7.Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her 8.Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence 9.All Cats Go to Hell 10.The Little Sissy Who Snitched 11.The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan 12.Your Nightmares Are Real 13.Where Would You…

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blond inventions

Inventions by Blondes ? The water-proof towel ? Glow in the dark sunglasses ? Solar powered flashlights ? Submarine screen doors ? A book on how to read ? Inflatable dart boards ? A dictionary index ? Mechanical Pencil sharpeners ? Powdered water ? Pedal-powered wheel chairs ? Waterproof tea bags ? Watermelon seed sorter ? Zero proof alcohol ? Reuseable ice cubes ? See-through toilet tissue ? Skinless bananas ? Do-it-yourself road map ? Turnip ice cream ? Toe…

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“God damn it!”

Once there was a man who went to play golf with his priest. He was on the third hole and only 3 feet away from the hole. He putted his shot and missed. “God Damn it!” the man yelled. The priest replied that it was a sin to say God’s name in vain. The man saw that his priest was correct and apologized. Later he was on the 15th hole and only 2 feet away, when he missed the shot…

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PORK

This man came home from work and asked his wife if they could have pork (other white meat) for dinner. The wife said that they are already having chicken and that chicken is better for them. He didn’t want to argue so instead of fighting he settled for chicken. He saw a commercial on t.v for a hypnosis that you can use in someone’s sleep. So every night for the next two weeks he stayed up for 2 hours and…

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