Th th th Jokes - page 17

Thief

Q. Why did the blond steal the cop car? A. Because it had 911 on the side of it and she thought it was a Porsche.

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The Airline

An airline stewardess was giving the standard safety briefing to the passengers. She had just finished saying “In the event of a water landing, your seat cushion may be used as a flotation device,” when a man remarked: “Hey! If the plane can’t fly, why should I believe the seat can float?”

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Finkelstein, the Tailor

Jesus is wandering around Jerusalem when he decides he really needs a new robe. After looking around, he sees a sign for ‘Finkelstein, the Tailor.’ He goes in and Finkelstein prepares a new robe for him, which is a perfect fit. When Jesus asks how much he owes, Finkelstein brushes him off: “No, no, no, for the Son of God? There’s no charge! However, may I ask a small favor? Maybe whenever you give a sermon you could just mention…

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The Painting

One day, there was a blonde in a museum looking at the paintings, when she noticed one that made her speechless, as she stared studying it very closely, she assumed it to be a Picasso, but then a guy knocked her out of the way and starting combing his hair in front of it.

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Bathroom Extrication

A young Jewish couple had only recently set up housekeeping when an unfortunate incident occurred. Early one morning, the wife, drowsy from sleep, went to the bathroom and neglected to notice that the seat had been left up. When she sat, she kept going! She was just the right size and shape so that she became jammed into the toilet past her waist with her legs sticking straight up in front of her. She cried for her husband, who rushed…

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Chicken and the Egg

The chicken and the egg were lying in bed. The chicken was lying back, smoking and looking very pleased with himself and the egg was sitting up, arms folded and looking very pissed off. The egg then says to the chicken: “Well……I guess we answered THAT question didnt we????”

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Who’s the Moron?

One day a man named Olaf walks into the office of a headhunter and says, “I WON A DOB!” The headhunter looks up over the top of his glasses and says, “Excuse me?” Once again the man says, “I WON A DOB!” “Oh,” the headhunter says. “You want a job, I see…what is it you do?” The man says, “I’m a Diesel Fitter.” With this the headhunter turns on his laptop and types vigorously to search his computer files in…

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