Th th th Jokes - page 149

At 91, Maureen Duffy is officially redefining ‘pioneering,’ charmingly snagging the inaugural ‘Pioneer’ prize! ? This delightful new literary award, specifically designed for female writers over 60, was thoughtfully launched by RSL president Bernardine Evaristo. And here’s the best part: it’s funded by the generous £100,000 Evaristo herself won from another prestigious women’s prize. Talk about empowering the seasoned literary ladies with a brilliant pay-it-forward scheme! ?? It seems the literary world is finally celebrating the wisdom (and wit!) that…

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Yeehaw, Guv’nah! ‘High Noon’ Gallops from Wild West to London’s West End Stage ?. Get ready for some frontier drama with a decidedly British accent! A Tony award-winning actor will trade dusty plains for polished floorboards, stepping into the iconic marshal role in a London stage adaptation of the classic 1952 western that famously won Gary Cooper an Oscar. We’re picturing spurs clanking on velvet carpets and dramatic tumbleweeds made of stage smoke. Mind the gap, marshal! Read more: high…

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Well, who saw this coming? ? After vowing to curb immigration and ‘shore up Irish culture,’ a famous mixed martial arts fighter has officially pulled out of Ireland’s presidential race. Apparently, the world of politics isn’t quite like the octagon. The fighter complained that the nomination rules were a ‘straitjacket,’ preventing a ‘true democratic contest.’ It seems the rigorous process of, you know, running a country, was a bit too much for someone who prefers headlocks to legislative loopholes. He…

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Bingo! Tyneside Hall Swaps Number Calls for Bass Drops as It Becomes Unexpected Rave Hotspot. Who knew that the pursuit of “full house” could evolve into an entirely different kind of pursuit involving flashing lights and thumping bass? ? In a plot twist no one saw coming, the King Street Social Club in North Shields, once a bastion of hushed numbers and dabbers, has undergone a radical transformation. Forget your grandma’s weekly outing; it’s now a bonafide mecca for ravers!…

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Well, that was awkward! ???? Australia’s police forces geared up for a massive ‘Day of Protests,’ complete with pepper spray at the ready, only to discover most of the anticipated ‘rabble-rousers’ apparently hit the snooze button. The streets, prepped for epic brawls, instead saw a smattering of folks airing diverse grievances – everything from vaccine hesitancy to calls for racial justice. It was less of a showdown and more of a modest stroll, leaving officers with plenty of unused riot…

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In a casting decision that has us all chuckling into our tea, the artist known professionally as Self Esteem is set to embrace her inner turmoil as a “raging rock star” in a revival of David Hare’s ‘Teeth ’n’ Smiles’. ? It seems even those with stellar self-worth can channel pure, unadulterated stage fury! Rebecca Lucy Taylor, the woman behind the wonderfully ironic moniker, will tackle the role of Maggie in a 50th-anniversary production hitting London in March. Fun fact:…

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Rembrandt’s Self-Portrait Embarks on ‘Slow Tour’ of England, Offers Meditation Sessions Because Apparently We Forgot How to Look at Art. ? A National Trust-owned masterpiece is hitting the road, but not in a hurry! This isn’t your average gallery visit; prepare for a truly ‘lingering’ experience. The tour comes complete with a dedicated ‘meditation option’ for art lovers, presumably to guide them through the arduous task of simply looking at a painting. ? Because who needs to just appreciate art…

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Jaws at 50: Spielberg Admits He Feared Career Doom and Witnessed Epic Barfing. The legendary filmmaker, celebrating a new exhibition in LA, looked back at the chaotic making of his iconic shark flick. Apparently, it wasn’t all smooth sailing… or rather, smooth swimming! ? He confessed to fearing his career was ‘over’ during the notoriously difficult production, which famously involved a perpetually malfunctioning mechanical shark. But wait, there’s more! He also vividly recalled the sheer amount of seasickness on set,…

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Suspended Pride Leader Ordered to Unlock Bank Accounts AND Social Media, Apparently Forgot How to Share! ? Well, this is a bit awkward. A top figure at London’s Pride parade, who is currently fending off accusations of using the organization’s cash like his personal piggy bank, just got a stern order from the high court. ???? He’s been told to relinquish control of everything: Bank accounts (naturally, for obvious reasons) Social media passwords (because who needs separate lives for their…

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Radiohead, usually known for their profound, often melancholic, musical journeys, have apparently traded their cryptic lyrics for some very direct consumer advice. ? The band is urging fans to avoid those dodgy secondary ticket sites where a whopping 1,000+ potentially fraudulent tickets for their upcoming shows have been discovered. It seems even rock legends aren’t immune to the mundane horrors of ticket scalping! ? Read more: radiohead condemn exploitative touts and resale sites ahead of tour

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