Ted Jokes - page 63

Endangered Meal

One day this guy is sitting on a park bench eating a bald eagle. A cop comes by and says..”Hey fella…What do you think you are doing? That is an endangered species! You can’t kill it and eat it!” The cop arrests him and takes him to jail… The next day he goes to court and the judge says, “Sir, do you realize that a bald eagle is an endangered species and you can spend up to 5 years in…

(2)Loading...

Read JokeEndangered Meal

Technology Organizational Chart

In the lower ranks of the MIS world, sorting out job titles is a nearly impossible task. Some folks are called Analysts. Some are called Programmers. Some are called Engineers. None of them has window offices. A truly experienced high-tech professional has held five or even six of these positions . . . usually all at the same time. 10. Programmer: This person holds the lowest rank in the DP field. Manages no one. Answers to everyone. Approximately 50% of…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeTechnology Organizational Chart

The Halloween Party

A couple was invited to a masked Halloween Party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping for an hour, awakened feeling much better so she decided to go to the party. Since her husband didn’t know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching him to see how he acted when she was…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeThe Halloween Party

Santa’s Really Bitter

T’was the night before Christmas – Old Santa was pissed. He cussed out the elves and threw down his list Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks I have good mind to scrap the whole works I’ve busted my ass for damn near a year Instead of “Thanks Santa” – what do I hear The old lady bitches cause I work late at night The elves want more money – The reindeer all fight Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeSanta’s Really Bitter

More Confucius say……

Confucius say: “Virginity like bubble. One prick … all gone!” “Man who run in front of car get tired.” “Man who run behind car get exhausted.” “Foolish man give wife Grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ!” “Man with one chopstick go hungry.” “Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.” “Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.” “Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk.” “War does not determine who right. War determine who…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeMore Confucius say……

punctuation

An English professor wrote the words: “A woman without her man is nothing” on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: “A woman, without her man, is nothing.” The women wrote: “A woman. Without her, man is nothing.” Punctuation is everything!

(0)
Loading...

Read Jokepunctuation

A Matter of Punctuation

An English professor wrote the words, “Woman without her man is nothing” on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing.” The women wrote: “Woman! Without her, man is nothing.”

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeA Matter of Punctuation

Tattoo

B.B. King and his beautiful wife celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. At night’s end, Mrs. King had a most special gift to express her undying loyalty to him. (she had B.B.’s initials tattooed to her behind, one B on each cheek) After they retired for the night, she bent over to show him the unexpected surprise. B.B. put on his glasses and said, “Who the Hell is BOB” ?

(1)Loading...

Read JokeTattoo

Open for interpretation

An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall, so he called in an artist. Describing what he wanted, the billionaire said, I am a history buff, and I would like your interpretation of the last thing that went through Custer’s mind before he died. I am going out of town on business for a week, and when I return I expect to see it completed.” Upon his return, the billionaire went to the library to examine the…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeOpen for interpretation