Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
There were 3 babies in a lady’s stomach. One day, they were talking about what they wanted to be when they grew up. The first baby said, “I want to be an plumber when I grow up.” The other two asked why. He said, “Someone has to fix all the leaky pipes in here.” The second baby said, “I want to be an electrician.” The other two started laughing, and asked why. He said, “It’s kinda dark in here. Someone…
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* A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station… * If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with “quit while you’re ahead”? * I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me. They’re cramming for their “finals”. * I thought about how mothers feed their…
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My family physician told me of an incident that actually happened to him back in the early days of his practice. He said a woman brought her baby to see him, and he determined right away that the baby had an earache. He wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote, “Put two drops in right ear every four hours” and he abbreviated “right” as an R with a circle around it. Several days passed, and the…
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On President Clinton’s trip to Africa, he took a trip to one of the less populated areas to see how the native tribespeople lived. He was escorted to a small village far from the beaten path. When he was introduced to the tribal chieftain he asked if he could speak to the villagers in order to spread the message of democracy. The chief obliged, assembling his tribesmen and bade President Clinton to speak. “In America,” he began, “we have a…
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Little Johnnie’s teacher asked the students to use the word FASCINATE in a sentence. Susie raised her hand and the teacher called on her. She said, “The stars really are fascinating.” The teacher said, “No Susie, I wanted you to use just ‘fascinate’.” Scottie raised his hand and was called on. He said, “The museum we went to last week fascinated me.” Again the teacher said, “No Scottie, I wanted you to use just ‘fascinate’.” Finally Johnnie raised his hand…
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There were two old geezers living in the backwoods of the Ozarks . . . Rufus and Clarence. They lived on opposite sides of the river, and they hated each other. Every morning, just after sunrise, Rufus and Clarence would go down to their respective sides of the river and yell at each other. “RUFUS!!” Clarence would shout. “You better thank your lucky stars that I can’t swim . . . or I’d swim this river and whup your butt!!”…
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A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town. He’s going through his usual run of stupid blonde jokes, when a big blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says, “I’ve heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes, asshole. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does a person’s physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being?…
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~The following are actual winning analogies in the “worst analogies ever written in a high school essay” contest~ They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers…
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Two men, sitting side by side in a 747 jet, started to talk. One told the other that this was his first flight. They left New York City for Los Angeles. They landed in Chicago, whereupon a little red truck pulled up and refueled the plane. They again landed to refuel in Denver. Another little red truck pulled up to the plane. Then they took off once again. As they were about to land at their destination, the veteran flier…
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Seymour was a good and pious man, and when he passed away, the Lord himself greeted him at the pearly gates of heaven. “Hungry, Seymour?” the Lord asked. “I could eat,” said Seymour. The Lord opened a can of tuna, and they shared it. While eating this humble meal, Seymour looked down into Hell and noticed the inhabitants devouring enormous steaks, pheasant, pastries and vodka. The next day, the Lord again asked Seymour if he were hungry, and Seymour again…
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