Ted Jokes - page 161

The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business, much like own, opened up right next door to him and erected a huge sign which read, “BEST DEALS.” He was even more horrified when another competitor opened up one on his right and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading, “LOWEST PRICES.” The shopkeeper started to panic, until he got this idea…..He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop, and it read…………”MAIN ENTRANCE.”

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OFFICIAL BABY BOOMER EXAM Answers below 1. “Kookie; Kookie. Lend me your ________________.” 2. The “battle cry” of the hippies in the sixties was “Turn on; tune in;________________.” 3. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, “Who was that masked man?” Invariably, someone would answer, “I don’t know, but he left this behind.” What did he leave behind?__________________ 4. Folk songs were played side by side with rock and…

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A student essay stated: “The girl tumbled down the stairs and lay prostitute at the bottom.” In the margin of the paper, the professor commented: “My Dear Sir, you must learn to distinguish between a fallen woman and one who has merely slipped.”

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My wife and I went to a “Dude Ranch” in Texas. The cowboy, preparing the horses, asked my city wife if she wanted a Western or an English saddle. She asked him what the difference was. When he told her that one had a horn and one didn’t, she replied, “The one without the horn is fine. I don’t expect we’ll run into too much traffic out here.”

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One thing that has always bugged me is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating as they were to me. The call was from AT&T and it went something like this: Me: Hello? AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T… Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T… Me: This is AT&T? AT&T: Yes This is AT&T… Me:…

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Ole, Lena and Sven were lost in the woods of Northern Minnesota and were becoming desperate, having run out of food several days ago. It was winter, the snow was deep, their situation was looking very bleak. When Ole dug down into the snow to look for nuts, he found an oil lamp and upon rubbing it to get the snow off, a genie came out. The genie says, “I am da great genie of Nordern Minnesooota and I can…

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