Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin…
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One day, a lonely woman bought a parrot to keep her company. The pet shop owner told her how to teach it to talk. The old woman thought it would be nice to have someone to pray with every night, so she taught it to pray. A few weeks later the woman’s priest came over and she was anxious to show off her parrot’s skills. She said to the priest, “Pull his right leg,” so the priest did. The parrot…
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Last time the circus came to town, only two applicants answered an ad in the local paper for an animal trainer. The owner decided to audition the male and female applicants. At first glance, it appeared that the female was much better prepared, since she was wearing a very long, flowing cape, with a whip and chair. She looked more like a model than a trainer. The man’s only distinguishing feature was a soggy cigar stuffed between his cracked and…
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The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employees home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whispered, “Hello?” Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, “Is your Daddy home?” “Yes,” whispered the small voice. “May I talk with him?” the man asked. To the surprise of the boss, the small voice…
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Barry, who is noted for his tact, was awakened one morning at four o’clock by his ringing telephone. “YOUR DOG’S BARKING, AND IT’S KEEPING ME AWAKE,” said an irate voice. The man thanked the caller and politely asked his name before hanging up. The next morning at four o’clock, Barry called his neighbor back. “Sir,” he said, “I don’t have a dog.”
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A sad-faced man came into the flower shop early one morning. I was ready to take his order for a funeral piece, but this time I guessed wrong. He wanted a basket of flowers sent to his wife for their anniversary. “And what day will that be?” I asked. Glumly, he replied, “Yesterday.”
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An old guy comes home in the middle of the day and finds his young blonde wife standing in the middle of their deluxe apartment wearing a red G-string and 7 inch steel heels, and the whole apartment is flooded. “What happened here?” he asks. “I think the waterbed’s busted,” says the trembling wife. Just then a naked guy floats by. “Who’s that?” demands the husband. “I dunno. Must be a lifeguard.”
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Film actor Victor Mature once applied for membership in the exclusive Los Angeles Country Club, only to be told “We don’t accept actors.” “I’m no actor,” Mature protested, “and I’ve sixty-four pictures to prove it.”
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Gus was this really big guy who desperately wanted to lose weight but nothing worked. So Gus went to see the doctor. “Doctor, please tell me how to lose weight.” “Sure” the doctor said, “all you have to do is eat through your arse and it wont go through your body so you can’t put on weight.” 2 months later….. The doctor sees Gus up the street, “WOW Gus, you look great, but what’s with that terrible limp?” Gus replies,…
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Children were called upon in class to make sentences with words chosen by the teacher. The teacher smiled when Jack, a slow learner, raised his hand to participate during the challenge of making a sentence with the words “Defeat,” “Defense,” “Deduct,” and “Detail.” Jack stood thinking for a bit, all eyes focused on him, while his classmates awaited his reply. Smiling, he then proudly shouted out, “DEFEAT of DEDUCT went over DEFENSE before DETAIL!!!”
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