Ebonics
There was going to be a national Miss Ebonics pageant. Everything was great except that nobody wanted to be Idaho.
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Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Ted Jokes - page 118
The Spendthrift Wife
Clancy was brooding over his beer at the barroom and said to his friend, “I tell you, Mulligan, I don’t know what I’m going to do about my wife.” “What is it now?” “The same old thing—money. She’s always asking for money! Only last Thursday, she wanted ten dollars! Yesterday she was around asking for twenty! And this morning, if you please, she demanded fifty dollars!” “What does she do with all the money, for heaven’s sake?” “There’s no way…
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New State Mottos for the 21st Century
Alabama: At Least We’re Not Mississippi Alaska: But It’s a Dry Cold Arizona: But It’s a Dry Heat Arkansas: Litterasy Ain’t Everthing California: Nouvelle Cuisine and Religions You Never Heard Of Colorado: If You Don’t Ski, Forget It Connecticut: Like Massachusetts Only Dirtier Delaware: You’ll Love the Chemicals in Our Water Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids Georgia: We Put the Fun in Fundamentalist Extremism Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha’ami Leeki Toru (Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)…
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Wrong Prescription
A man was suffering from a stomach ache so he told his wife, who suggested he try the tablets the Doctor had given her for a similar pain. After taking his wife’s tablets for a week, the pain disappeared, but he developed two rather tender lumps, one behind each ear. He went to his doctor showed him the lumps, and explained what had happened. The Doctor called him all the fools under the sun saying, “You bloody idiot! I was…
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Divine Wonders
A priest, a minister and a rabbi have a talk one day. The priest says, “Once I went to Jerusalem to see the Holy Land and suddenly there was a terrible storm at sea. Everybody prepared to die but I started to pray to the Lord and a wonder had happened: everywhere it was still storm but there was nothing around the ship and we got safely to the land.” “That’s quite a story,” says the minister, “Actually something like…
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Beauty Make-over
In dire need of a beauty make-over for her new job, Linda went to her salon with a fashion magazine photo of a gorgeous, young lustrous-haired model. She showed the stylist the trendy new cut she wanted and settled into the chair, as he began humming a catchy tune and got to work on her thinning, graying hair. Linda was delighted by his cheerful attitude until she recognized the melody, that is. It was the theme from “Mission Impossible.”
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Dr. Suess in Computer Land
What if Dr. Seuss Did Technical Writing? If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus in interrupted as a very last resort, and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report. If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted ’cause the index doesn’t…
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African Adventures
A famed English explorer was invited to Dartmouth to tell of his adventures in the African jungle. “Can you imagine,” he demanded, “people so primitive that they love to eat the embyro of certain birds and slices from the belly of certain animals? They grind up grass seed, make it into a paste, burn it over a fire, then smear it with a greasy mess they extract from the mammary fluid of certain other animals?” When the students looked startled…
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Weather Bureau
A husband and wife were sound asleep at 2AM when the phone rang. The husband picked up the phone and sleepily said, “Hello…….How the hell should I know…..what am I, the Weather Bureau???” He slammed the phone down and tried to get comfortable again. “Who was that?” asked his wife. “I don’t know…some jerk wanted to know if the coast was clear.”
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Puzzled Priest
An elderly parish priest became unhappy with the things he was hearing during Saturday confessions. After his sermon one Sunday morning, he said to his congregation, “I’m tired of hearing so many people tell me in confession that they have cheated. For thirty years, people have been saying to me ‘I have cheated with Anthony… I have cheated with Mary… I have cheated with Frankie.’ I am sick and tired of hearing this word. From now on, when you come…
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