Tea Jokes - page 38

what about the smell?

Every year two rival schools try to see who can pull off the best prank to the opposing school. So this guy and this go to the rival school and steal their mascot, “Sammy the Skunk” As they’re about to leave with the skunk, a security guard comes. So he tells her to stick the skunk up her dress. She says, “well, what about the smell?” “If it dies, it dies!” he replies.

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letter of recommendation

If you have to write a ‘letter of recommendation’ for a fired employee, here are a few suggested phrases: -For the chronically absent: A man like him is hard to find. It seemed her career was just taking off. -For the office drunk: I feel his real talent is wasted here. We generally found him loaded with work to do. Every hour with him was a happy hour. -For an employee with no ambition: He could not care less about…

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Stick it out

There was this little boy named Johnny and Johnny was in Kindergarten. One day, Johnny was in the back of the class room when his teacher noticed him scratching frantically at his privates. “Johnny, what’s wrong?” his teacher asked. “It itches” Johnny said. “Well, go to the office and have the secretary call your Mommy” the teacher said. Johnny called his mom and a few minutes later the teacher noticed that Johnny was back in the class room and scratching…

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An Ugly Baby

A woman carrying her baby boarded a bus. When the bus driver saw the baby she was carrying, he remarked carelessly, “What an ugly baby!” Flustered, the woman hurriedly dropped her coins into the fare box and stomped angrily to the back of the bus. She took her seat beside a middle-aged clergyman who noticed that she was upset and close to tears. He asked her solicitously, “What’s the matter? Is something wrong?” “That bus driver just insulted me!” she…

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Untitled

HOW DO YOU TEACH A BLONDE MATH? ADD A BED, SUBTRACT HER CLOTHES, DIVIDE HER LEGS AND HOPE SHE DOES’NT MUTIPLY.

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Goofy doctor

A certain doctor was making his daily rounds at the hospital. The nurse on duty came up to him with a patient’s file and said, “Doctor, when you changed this patient’s medication, you forgot to sign her file.” The doctor reached behind his ear to retrieve his pen so he could sign the form, but was surprised to find a rectal thermometer there instead. “Shit!” cried the doctor. “Some asshole has my pen!”

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Axioms for the Internet Age

1. Home is where you hang your @ 2. The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail. 3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click. 4. You can’t teach a new mouse old clicks. 5. Great groups from little icons grow. 6. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone. 7. C:\is the root of all directories. 8. Don’t put all your hypes in one home page. 9. Pentium wise, pen and paper foolish.…

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Bill and Saddam

Saddam Hussein and Bill Clinton meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When Bill sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam’s chair. They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam presses the first button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Clinton in the face. Confused, Clinton carries on talking as Saddam laughs. A few minutes later the second button is pressed.…

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BLONDE VISITS DOCTOR

“What seems to be the problem, Miss Appleby?” inquired the doctor. “Look at my ears, doc. They’re both burnt.” “My lord, how did that happen?” “I was ironing when the phone rang, but I mistakenly put my ear to the iron instead of the phone.” “How awful, but what about the other ear?” “The bastard called back.”

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Teena and Piddles

A little girl named Teena has a cat named Piddles, and one day Piddles dies. Teena runs to her father with tears in her eyes and says, “DAD PIDDLES IS DEAD!!!” Her dad says, “Oh I’m so sorry that that had to happen.” Tenna sniffs, “Dad, how c-come Piddles legs and arms are sticking up in the air?” The dad having no idea, uses his quick wit and says, “Well, this way when Jesus comes down to get her he…

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