Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Bibi Netanyahu goes to Washington for a meeting with Bill Clinton. After dinner, Bill says to Bibi ” Well Bibi, I don’t know what you think of the members of your Cabinet, but mine are all quite bright.” “How do you know?” asks Bibi. “Oh well, it’s simple”, says Bill. “They all have to take special tests before they can join the cabinet. Wait a second”. He calls Madeleine Albright over and says to her “Tell me Madeleine, who is…
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I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes. I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it. I’ve learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better have a big weenie or huge…
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A 90 year old man married a very young woman. Upon staying for 6 months together the wife of this old man conceived. The old man asked his doctor, “How this could have happened?” The doctor then said, “Look here, let me tell you a story.” An absent minded hunter went in the forest hunting; but instead of carrying a gun the fellow carried an umbrella. He saw a lion running straight at him. The hunter picked up his umbrella…
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Mrs. Culpepper was almost in tears. “Oh Marie,” she said to her maid, “I believe my husband is having an affair with his secretary, and I don’t know what to do.” “I don’t believe it,” snapped Marie. “You’re just saying that to make me jealous.”
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The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in floods of tears. “Whatever could have happened?” he thinks, “Who died?” “Darling, whatever is the matter?” he asks. “Sweetheart,” she sobs, “the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out of the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back from answering it,” she sobbed again, “I found that the cat had…
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NAME:____________ GANG:____________ 1. Johnny has an AK47 with a 40 round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 13 times at each driveby shooting, how many driveby shootings can he attend before he has to reload? 2. Rufus is pimping for 3 girls. If the price is $65 for each trick, how many tricks will each have to turn so Rufus can pay for his $800 a day crack habit? 3. Jerome wants to cut his…
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There was Claudia Schiffer, an Englishman, and an Irishman sitting in a carriage of a real old fashioned train with no lights. When they went through a tunnel, it was all dark. Suddenly, there was a kissing noise and the sound of a slap. When they came out of the tunnel, the Englishman was sitting with his hand on his cheek as if he had been slapped. He was thinking: The Irish fella must’ve kissed Claudia Schiffer and when she…
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As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Wilson became increasingly furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed up against a gorgeous blonde. As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr. Wilson, and said, “That will teach you to pinch me!!!” Bewildered, Mr. Wilson, in shock, was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, “I…I…didn’t pinch that girl.” “Of course, you didn’t,” said his wife, consolingly. “I did.”
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I have found the following things about dogs: They are territorial: “If it smells like me, it’s mine!” “If it even looks like mine–it’s mine!” They are possessive: “If I put it in my mouth, it’s mine!” “If I tear it into a million tiny pieces, all million pieces are mine!” They have no concept of privacy: they will urinate right in front of you without embarrassment. They will urinate in the great outdoors without shame. They will eat anything.…
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~~~~ My wife and I can’t come to the phone right now, but if you’ll leave your name and number, we’ll get back to you as soon as we’re finished. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we’re not here. So leave a message. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid…
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