Street one Jokes - page 14

Bishop & the Bellringers

After Quasimodo’s death, the bishop sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bellringer was needed. The bishop decided to conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills (or lack thereof), he decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man announced that he was there to apply for the bellringer’s job. The bishop was incredulous. “You have no arms!” “No matter,”…

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Cop does Community Service

A policeman was driving around in his patrol car. After he pulled off an expressway, he turned onto the street at the end of the ramp, and he noticed someone at a KFC fast food place getting into his car. They guy had placed a bucket of chicken on top of his car, got in and drove off with the bucket still on top of his car. So the policeman decided to pull him over and perform a community service…

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The Amazing Dog!

A young boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered what money his parents gave him. “Hmmmm,” he wonders, “How am I gonna get more dough?” Then he gets an idea. He calls his father. “Dad,” he says, “you won’t believe the wonders that modern education is coming up with! Why, they have a program here that will teach Fido how to talk!” “That’s absolutely amazing!” his father says. “How do I…

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NY traffic

Traffic was excessively heavy at an intersection in New York City. A very obviously pregnant woman, stepped right out into traffic to cross the street and the screeching of brakes could be heard for blocks. One irate truck driver leaned out his window and yelled: “Hey Lady!! You can get knocked DOWN, too!”

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99.9%

If 99.9% is good enough then… 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily 114,500 mismatched pairs of shoes will be shipped/year 18,322 pieces of mail will be mishandled/hour 2,000,000 documents will be lost by the IRS this year 2.5 million books will be shipped with the wrong covers Two planes landed at Chicago’s O’Hare airport will be unsafe every day. 315 entries in Webster’s Dictionary will be misspelled 20,000 incorrect drug prescriptions will be written this year…

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Bill Clinton Statue Committee

Bill Clinton Statue Committee 1040 Buffoon Street Little Rock, AR 72205 Dear Friend: We have the distinguished honor of being on the committee for raising 5 million dollars for placing a statue of Bill Clinton in the hall of fame in Washington, DC. This committee was in a quandary as to where to place the statue. It was not wise to place it beside George Washington, who never told a lie, nor beside Jesse Jackson, who never told the truth,…

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Olympic Endorsement

It was overheard that the USA Olympic Gold medal skier Picabo Street is donating the money she gets from endorsements to the local hospital in Denver. In return, they are going to name a wing of the hospital after her. It will be called: “Picabo, I.C.U.”

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Marriage

1. I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always. 2. It’s not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer. 3. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible. 4. A man was complaining to a friend: “I had it all – money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman; Then, Pow! it was all gone!” “What happened?” asked the…

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Papal Advice

A deeply religous and wealthy man visited the Vatican and was standing by the road when the Pope came by in the Popemobile. The Pope looks over to him, stops the car, gets out and walks directly towards him, filling the man with joyousness. However, as he reached him, the Pope steps to one side and whispers in the ear of a tramp sitting behind the man. Seeing this, the wealthy man is a bit miffed but an idea forms…

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Smart dog & the butcher

A butcher in his shop, and he’s real busy, and he notices a dog in the shop. He shoos him away. But later, he notices the dog is back again. So he goes over to the dog, and notices he has a note in his mouth. He takes the note and it reads, “I need 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please. The dog has money in his mouth, as well.” The butcher looks inside and, lo and behold,…

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