Ss Jokes - page 221

Call the Police!

The Baltimore Police Department, famous for its superior K-9 unit, was somewhat taken back by this recent incident. Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on all channels and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. The K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a tight leash. The woman ran out…

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Hoshimota

An American businessman goes on business to Japan. He tells his assistant that night to get him some ‘entertainment.’ So his assistant gets him a hooker. The whole night this Japanese hooker keeps screaming, ‘Hoshimota, hoshimota!’ He thinks he is doing it really, really good. The next morning he goes to play a game of golf with his Japanese business partner, who makes a hole in one. Everyone is congratulating him in Japanese and patting him on the back. The…

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New Software for Y2K

This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which will be Year 2000 compliant. This program is known as “Millennia Year Application Software System” (MYASS). Next Monday there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good look at MYASS. We have not addressed networking aspects yet, so currently only one person at a…

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3 men and their wives

There were three men: one from Ohio, one from Virginia and one from West Virginia. They all took their wives to dinner for their anniversary. The man from Ohio said, “Pass the honey, honey.” The man from Virgina said, “Pass the sugar, sugar.” And the man from West Virgina said, “Pass the tea, bag!!”

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Why cybersex is better than the real thing

10. If the date goes bad, changing your Screen Name is easier than changing your real name. 9. Bathing, dressing, supplying atmosphere is optional. 8. If you get drunk and blackout, you only wake up next to a keyboard. 7. You can exercise your offensive habits without embarrassing yourself. 6. Viagra! Who needs Viagra? 5. Your partner could have more of a personality than your inflatable friends. 4. Three words: No shotgun weddings. 3. All guys look like George Clooney…

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ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS FROM GOD

A Post Office worker at the main sorting office finds an unstamped, poorly hand-written envelope addressed to God. He opens it and discovers it is from an elderly lady, distressed because some thief robbed her of 100 dollars. She will be cold and hungry for the rest of the month if she doesn’t receive some divine intervention. The worker organizes a collection amongst the other postal workers, who dig deep and come up with 96 dollars. They get it to…

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God’s Gift to Women

Two women were chatting at the local rodeo when they noticed a man strut by . . . shirtless and wearing tight cut-off shorts. “He must think,” the first woman said, shaking her head, “that he is God’s gift to women.” The second one laughed and said, “I hope he kept the receipt.”

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Johnny’s ABC’s

“Ok, now who can recite the alphabet for the class?” asked Johnny’s teacher. “Raise your hand if you would like to try”. Johnny raised his hand, yelling, “Teacher, teacher! I have to pee!” “Ok Johnny, recite your alphabet, then you can go. Well, not wanting to be rude to the teacher, Johnny started slowly. “Stand up when you speak,” said the teacher. He stood up, crossing his legs. “ABCDEFG… um.. HIJK… hmmm… LMNO…. ummm..QRSTUVWXYZ” “Very good,” said the teacher, “but…

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Big as…

One day a man walks into his backyard while his wife was tending the flowers, and says to his wife, “Hunny, your ass has gotten to be as big as the grill!” She gets up and says, “That’s not a nice thing to say!” and goes back to work. He comes back out with a tape measure…”Yup, surely ennough, your ass is as big as the grill!” The next Day he hugs his wife and nudges her. “What do you…

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Two guys save a life

Two guys were seated at the end of a bar when a gorgeous young lady sits down at the other end and orders a martini. The two guys are staring at her while she drinks her martini and all of a sudden she begans to choke. The two guys get up and run to her end of the bar. The first guy said “Can you speak?” She shook her head No! The second Guy said “Can you breathe?” She shook…

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