Ss Jokes - page 151

Which Hole?

There were three guys who all died. When they got to heaven, God told them that in order to get into heaven, they had to ask him a question that he could not answer. If he could answer it, he would go to Hell. So the first guy, a doctor asked him what is the drug used to finish coronary bypass surgery? God gets the question right and the doctor goes to Hell. The next guy, a computer programmer, asks…

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Priest & Nun Stranded

Priest and Nun are driving down the snowy road. Car gets stalled, they both start walking, up ahead is a cabin. They walk in, no one is around, but they notice one bed and one sleeping bag, & plenty of blankets. Priest says, sister you take the bed, I’ll be on the sleeping bag, nun agrees. A few minutes go by, sister says, “Father, I’m cold.” Priest unzips the sleeping bag, gets up and lays a blanket on her, goes…

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Too Many Ants

There are many more ants than humans in the world, and they belong to numerous different species. Some of the more common are: 1. The ants you find in your kitchen the morning after you leave something sweet or greasy on the counter. These are called Brown Ants or Sugar Ants. 2. Big red and black ants found outdoors in the Southwest. These are very aggressive ants, with large pincers. They are called Fire Ants. 3. In South America you…

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Blonde fools lawyer?

A lawyer and a stunning blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains, “I ask…

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What Price Funeral?

A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the countryside, except for a pet dog he doted on. The dog finally died, and Muldoon went to the local Methodist minister saying, “Pastor, my dog just died. Could you possibly have a wee service for the poor creature?” Pastor Patrick told the farmer, “No, we can’t have services for an animal in the church, but I’ll tell you what. There’s one of those new denominations down the road aways, and no telling…

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Jew or Jewish

One day a teacher asked her class to think of a sentence that had either the word Jew or Jewish in it. One little girl raised her hand and after being called upon replied “Hannukah is a Jewish holiday.” The teacher was pleased with the response and said, “Yes, that’s very good.” A little boy in the corner raised his hand and announced “Jesus was a Jew.” The teacher was pleased with the response and said, “Yes, that’s very good.”…

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lab rats

AP–The federal government today released the findings of a four year study that linked living in cages to increased potential of developing cancer in laboratory rats. The study, which cost an estimated $17 million, was started in 1983 when all the rats in a laboratory test control group contracted cancer. Spokesperson John Smith explained: “We were running a test on the possible link between excess popcorn intake and increased incidence of colon cancer. The test group consisted of twenty rats…

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Blondes’ Revenge

Blondes, having endured years of abuse, have finally responded. Here’s what they have to say about redheads and brunettes! ********* REDHEADS ********* How do you get a redhead to argue with you? Say something How do you get a redhead’s mood to change? Wait 10 seconds If you love a Redhead, set her free … if she follows you everywhere you go, she pitches a tent in your front lawn and puts your new girlfriend in the hospital, she’s yours.…

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Golf

A lady and a friend were playing golf at a resort. The lady hits her golfball and a little while after hears a scream. She runs towards the scream and finds a man lying on the floor, holding his crutch. The woman exclaims, “oh my, I’m so sorry, please, i am a physiotherapist, let me massage it and it will feel better.” The man replies that it is fine. The women insists and sticks her hands down his pants and…

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Waiting at the Pearly Gates

A man arrives at the Pearly Gates, waiting to be admitted. St. Peter reviews the Big Book to see if the man?s name is written in it. After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book, furrows his brow, and says, ?I?m sorry, I don?t see your name written in the Big Book.? ?How current is your copy?? asks the man. ?I get a download every ten minutes,? St. Peter replies, ?Why do you ask?? ?I?m embarrassed to admit it, but…

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