Ss Jokes - page 139

Sky Diving

The day before John was to get married he confided in his father that he was scared and asked him his advice as to what he should do. John’s father said, “Son, you must follow your heart as to what’s right but I will tell you this story of the last time I was scared.” John’s father continued: “The year was 1969, I was a paratrouper in the 101st airborn. We were instructed to jump from ten thousand feet into…

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Making Way

A professor was walking along a very narrow lane when he came face to face with a rival professor. The lane was too narrow for both of them to pass at the same time. The rival, pulling himself up to his full height, said haughtily: “I never make way for fools!” Smiling, the professor stepped aside and said, “I always do.”

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Is THAT what friends are for?

Four older ladies are sitting around playing bridge. The first lady says, “You know, girls, I have known you all a long time, and there is something I must get off my chest. I am a Keptomaniac. But, don’t worry, I have never stolen from you, and I never will. We have been friends for too long.” The second lady says, “Well, since we are having true confessions, I must get something off my chest, too. I am a Nymphomaniac.…

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Powerful Shit

Shit may just be the most powerful word in the English language. You can be shit faced, shit out of luck, or have shit for brains With a little effort, you can get your shit together, find a place for your shit or decide to shit or get off the pot. You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, and tell others to eat shit and die. Some people know their shit while others…

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New Barbie Dolls for Christmas 1999

Now that Barbie is nearing 40, we’ve created new dolls that more realistically reflect her current life-style. 1. Bifocals Barbie: Includes her own set of blended lens fashion frames in 6 wild colors. Includes neck chain and large print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living. 2. Hot Flash Barbie: Press Barbie’s bellybutton and see her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead and upper lip. Complete with tiny tissues. 3. Facial Hair Barbie:…

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The Priest, the Vicar and the Minister

A Church of England vicar and a Methodist minister have been having a friendly meeting at the residence of a Catholic priest. As they start to think about leaving, the priest offered them a whisky to help them on their way. “Don’t mind if I do, thanks,” says the vicar, and is given an ample glassful. “And yourself?” says the priest to the Methodist minister. “What? Drink alcohol?” says the minister aghast. “Why, I’d rather commit adultery!!” At this the…

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the way they are…

Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of that year’s incoming freshmen. Here’s this year’s list: **************************************** 1. The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1980. 2. They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan Era and did not know he had ever been shot. 3. They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was waged.…

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NFL Consolidation

The NFL announced today in a press conference that one team from the league needed to be eliminated. What officials have decided to do is combine the Green Bay Packers and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and form one team therefore saving jobs. They will be known as the TAMPACKS…. They’re only good for one period and have no second string.

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