Ss Jokes - page 137

Husband Wants to Know

Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her obstetrician’s office. When the exam was over, she shyly began, “My husband wants me to ask you . . .” “I know, I know,” the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in your pregnancy.” “No, that’s not it at all, Brenda confessed. “He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn.”

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Blonde Jokes… A List

How do you confuse a blonde boy? You put him in a circular room and tell him to pee in the corner. Why do blondes wear underwear? To keep their ankles warm. Why did eighteen blondes go to the movies? Because the sign said, “Seventeen and under not admitted.” What do you call a blonde holding a dollar over her head All you can eat under a buck A dumb blonde and a smart blonde jump off of a roof.…

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Summer Love for Bill & Monica

Sing the song below to the tune of “Summer Lovin’” from the musical “Grease.” Bill: “Summer intern, had me a blast” Monica: “White house intern, happened so fast” Bill: “Met a girl, crazy for me” Monica: “Met the prez, down on my knees” Bill: “Summer days sucking away but, oh oh, those summer nights” Investigation Committee: “Well, ah.. well, ah….well, ah UH! Tell us more, tell us more” Linda Tripp: “Try to remember your best” Investigation Committee: “Tell us more,…

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Pregnancy FAQs

Q. Should I have a baby after 35? A. No, you’ve done more than your share with 35 children. Q. I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A. With any luck, right after he finishes college. Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving? A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant. Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational. A. So what’s your question? Q. When is…

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Sign Of The Times

These are supposedly actual signs. You be the judge. Whether or not they are real, they sure are funny! In the front yard of a funeral home, “Drive carefully, we’ll wait.” On an electrician’s truck, “Let us remove your shorts.” Outside a radiator repair shop, “Best place in town to take a leak.” In a nonsmoking area, “If we see you smoking, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.” On a maternity room door, “Push, Push,…

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Grandma’s pee

A bus, whose doors are open all the time was riding through town. In comes an old woman, and as she find herself a seat, she suddenly felt the urge to pee. Unfortunately, her stop is still far away, so she decided to pee out of the bus’s door when no one is looking. As the bus rides, she went to the most back door, lifted her skirt and peed. Unfortunately though, some of her pee landed in a young…

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Electrifying Show and Tell

The teacher asked the students to bring an electrical appliance for “Show and Tell,” and the next day every kid had something. The teacher asks Wendy, “What did you bring? “I brought a Walkman.” “And what is it for?” “You can listen to music with it!” “That’s nice, Wendy. And what did you bring, Kenny?” “I brought a ‘lectrical can opener. It opens cans!” “Well done, Kenny. But it seems that Johnny didn’t bring anything!” “Yes, I did. It’s in…

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the ride

This drunk walks into a bar and asks the bartender to give him a ride home. The bartender tells the drunk he’d better ask someone else. He walks over to a waitress and asks her for a ride. she agreed to. As they walked out she warned him that she was on her menstrual cycle. The drunk said ” Baby, I don’t care what you’re on just as long as you gimme a ride home.”

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