Somethin Jokes - page 24

Who’s the Robber Here?

Two Jews are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers up against a wall and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on, the first Jew slips something into the second Jew’s hand. Without looking down, the second Jew whispers, “What is this?” The first Jew replies, “It’s that $50 I owe you.”

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Mechanical Problems

An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop. “Ma’am, I’m not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy.” “Oh, I’ll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home.” “That’s fine. Another thing, ma’am. I don’t like the way that one rein loops across the horse’s back and around one of…

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Teena and Piddles

A little girl named Teena has a cat named Piddles, and one day Piddles dies. Teena runs to her father with tears in her eyes and says, “DAD PIDDLES IS DEAD!!!” Her dad says, “Oh I’m so sorry that that had to happen.” Tenna sniffs, “Dad, how c-come Piddles legs and arms are sticking up in the air?” The dad having no idea, uses his quick wit and says, “Well, this way when Jesus comes down to get her he…

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Blind Date

After being with his blind date all evening, the man couldn’t take another minute with her. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened. When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, “I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.” “Thank heavens,” his date replied. “If yours hadn’t, mine would have…

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The Sad Wife’s Wishes

One day a woman was walking along the beach thinking of the sad state of her life, for her husband had just told her that he wanted a divorce. As she was walking, she tripped over something in the sand. The woman picked the object up, revealing a lamp. The woman rubbed the lamp and a genie appeared before her. “I will grant you three wishes,” the genie said, “but whatever you wish for, your husband will get double.” The…

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Marital Bliss

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. Why do women have smaller feet than men? It’s one of those “evolutionary things” that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. How do you know…

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Girls vs. skis

Top Ten Reasons Why Skis are Better Than Girls 10. You can choose exactly what you want your skis to look like; short, long, straight, shaped, flat, plus they come in a variety of colors. 9. Your skis won’t talk back to you. 8. You can use your skis any time you want. 7. You can use both of your skis at the same time, and they won’t care. 6. After a day of skiing, one ski won’t turn to…

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Two Ropes

Two ropes are walking down the street and see a bar. So the first rope goes into the bar, sits down at a stool, and orders something to drink. The bartender growls, “Are you one of dem ropes?” And the rope replies,”Well, yes, I am.” The bartender yells, “Well, we don’t serve your kind!” And he twirls up the rope and throws him out onto the street. The second rope gets pretty worried and thinks, “I better disguise myself.” So…

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Dad’s Practical Jokes

Parents are embarrassing, Take my dad. Every time a friend comes to stay the night, he does something that makes my face go red. Now don’t get me wrong. He is a terrific dad. I love him but sometimes I think he will never grow up. He loves playing practical jokes. This behavior first started one night when Anna came to sleep over. Unknown to me, dad sneaks into my room and puts Doona, our cat, on the spare bed.…

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It shows you’re thinking

One day a teacher was doing an activity with her students in 3rd grade to figure out if they will think or not. So she goes in the corner and says, “I am holding something orange and round.” A kid then put up his hand and said, “It’s an orange.” “No,” said the teacher, “but it shows that you were thinking.” Then the teacher said, “Now I am holding something red and round.” “It’s an apple,” said a student. “No,”…

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