She s all that Jokes - page 99

Now that’s magic!

A man walks into a bar and asks for a shot. After he drinks it he looks into his shirt pocket shakes his head and asks for another one. This goes on for a few hours until the bartender starts getting curious. He walks up to the man and asks him what the hell he’s doing. “This is the way it goes”, he answers, “I have a picture of my wife in my pocket. I drink until she looks good…

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A Royal Pain in the …

A big-shot businessman had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. Se came into his room and announced, “I have to take your temperature.” After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down,…

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TONS of Blonde Jokes

1: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A mental block! 2: What do you say to a blonde that won’t give in? “Have another beer.” 3: What’s a blonde’s favorite wine? “Daddy! I want to go to Miami 4: Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, a smart blonde, and a dumb blonde are walking down the street. They spot a $100 on the ground. Who gets it? Nobody. The first four don’t exist and the…

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little italian lady

A little old Italian lady needed a cab, she got in, the polish cab driver asked, where to? She said Imma goin” downa town, once she got there she said oha no, Mr. cabba driva, imma notta ganna hava enougha money to paya you, the cab driver said, thats ok lady, i’ll just pull down a dark alley, he did, stopped the cab, pull your panties down lady”, she said oh”, Mr. cabba driva, youa gonna getta gyped, my panties…

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Yo Mama

Yo mama so blind she got hit by a parked car. Yo mama so fat instead of God saying let there be light he said, “Get your fat ass out of the way.” Yo mama so dumb she took the pepsi challange and chose jif. Yo mama so big you can go bowling with her boogers. Yo mama so fat her buttcheeks look like two pigs fighting over a milk dud. Yo mama so fuckin ugly when she was a…

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Don’t step on a duck

Three guys were driving down the highway and got into an head on collision with a semi, all three died. Next thing they knew they were talking to Saint Peter at the gates of heaven. Saint Peter says, “Well, you three have had a pretty tough life, you have passed every test to get into heaven except one, you must walk down this trail without stepping on a duck.” The three guys took off down the trail and not a…

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The Three Bears

It’s a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family is just waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! “Who’s been eating my porridge?” he squeaks. Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty! “Who’s been eating my porridge?” he roars. Mummy Bear puts her head through…

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Snow Diary

A SNOW DIARY DECEMBER 4 – 5:00 It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our hot buttered rum and sat by the window watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was beautiful. DECEMBER 9 – We woke to a big beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight. I shoveled snow for the first time in years and…

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Ancient Ritual

Many Indian tribes of South America practiced a little known ritual..only recently discovered by archeologists. It seems that in order to please their gods they would sacrifice a virgin once a year. They would do this by hanging her from a tree till death. However, rather than taking her down they would leave her hanging there until she would decompose. When that time came they would all gather in a circle around her body and sing “Swing Low, Sweet Cherry-rot”..

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