She s all that Jokes - page 100

Now Hear This

A man suspected that his wife was having a hearing problem. One night he positioned himself across the room from her as she sat in her favorite chair, her back to him. Softly he asked, “Can you hear me?” When he didn’t get an answer, he moved closer and repeated, “Can you hear me?” Still no answer. He moved closer again and asked, “Can you hear me?” Finally he repeated his question from directly behind his wife’s chair, to which…

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Dr. Son-In-Law

One evening a man was eating peanuts by throwing them in the air and catching them in his mouth. As he threw one in the air, his wife asked him a question. When the man turned his head, the peanut fell in his ear. He tried to get it out, but his fingers were too big. His wife tried to get the peanut out with a pair of tweezers, but just pushed it in farther. They finally decided to go…

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Mom in a Huff

Sunday dinner with my mother, Adah, my father, Fred, and my three siblings was always a lively event. On one occasion, all of us, except my mother, were in a silly mood, and we began requesting, in rhyme, items at the table. “Please pass the meat, Pete.” “May I have a potatah, Adah.” “I’d give you the moon for a spoon.” After several minutes of this, my mother had heard enough. “Stop this nonsense right now! Let’s have some meaningful…

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The Golden Fiddle

A pilot was forced to make a crash landing in a farmer’s field. The farmer took the pilot back to the farmhouse, where the pilot noticed the farmer had a golden fiddle hanging above the fireplace. The two men were standing there talking when the farmers wife came down the steps. The pilot couldn’t believe how beautiful she was. He asked the farmer, “How can you trust her to be here by herself all day, while you go out and…

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Can I moan now??

Morris comes home and finds his wife Sadie crying. She says, “I found out from Mrs. Goldberg that you’re having an affair with your secretary. Why would you do that to me? I’ve always been a good wife…I’ve cooked for you, raised your children, and I’ve always been by your side for thirty-five years. What haven’t I done to make you happy?” Morris says, “It’s true, Sadie, you’ve been the best wife a man could hope for. You make me…

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Conversations of Little Johnny with the Mayor

On the campaign trail, the mayor running for re-election walks up to a house of his campaign adviser and rings the doorbell. When a small boy opens the door, the mayor introduces himself, “Hello there, little boy! What’s your name?” “Little Johnny,” replies the small boy. “Well, Little Johnny, I’m Mayor Hoffman. I’m running for re-election. Can I speak to your father?” “He’s in the shower right now,” answers Little Johnny with a giggle. “Oh! Well, is your mother in…

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Think of Nothing But Sex

Mrs. Goldstein, somewhat advanced in years, had finally been persuaded to consult a psychiatrist for the first time. The psychiatrist, viewing her ruefully, said, “Mrs. Goldstein, with your permission I will try an experiment with you. It may serve to advance us more rapidly. I am going to have you lie here on the couch for half an hour, and during that period of time I want you to think of nothing but sex. Do you understand me? Just think…

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Two Seats

The rather broad lady showed up at the theater just before the performance started and handed the usher two tickets. “Where’s the other party?” asked the usher. “Well,” said the lady, with a blush, “you can see one seat is rather uncomfortable for me so I bought two. But they’re really both for me.” “Okay with me, Lady,” the usher replied, scratching his head. “But you’re gonna have a tough time. Your seats are numbers 51 and 63.

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Medical Miracles Have Limitations

A man working at a lumber yard is pushing a saw through a tree when he accidentally shears off all ten of his fingers. He rushes to the emergency room of a nearby hospital, where the awaiting doctor takes a look and says, “Yikes! Well, give me the fingers, and I’ll see what I can do.” “I haven’t got the fingers,” the man said. The doctor says, “What! Do you mean you didn’t bring them with you? This is the…

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Broom

A young peasant girl of fourteen went to work in a broom factory. After 2 months she gave the boss a two-week notice. The boss was quite unhappy to let her go since she was hard working, knew her tasks etc. He called her into his office, “But why?” he asked. “Nothin, I just wanna quit that’s all,” she said sullenly. “Look, I’ll give you a raise.” “No,” she said “You can’t just quit like that. There must be a…

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