Sam sam Jokes - page 49

Hillary’s bathroom visit

On one of the rare occasions that the Clintons were sleeping in the same bed, Hillary awoke at 2 a.m. and had to go to the bathroom. She shook Bill vigorously until he awoke from his deep slumber, mumbling, “What. . .what. . .what?” “I have to go to the bathroom,” Hillary says. “Well, why in the hell did you wake me up to tell me that?” “I want you to save my place!”

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Y2K Solution

The IS department has defined a lower cost alternative for Desktop conversions that also addresses the Y2K (Year 2000) issue. The goal is to remove all computers from the desktop by Jan, 1999. Instead, everyone will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch. There are many sound reasons for doing this: 1. No Y2K problems 2. No technical glitches, keeping work from being done. 3. No more wasted time reading and writing emails. 4. Substantial hardware cost savings. Frequently Asked Questions from…

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for the birds

A man walks into a pet store with a parrot sitting on his shoulder. He asks the clerk if he sells bird seed. The man says, “We’re all out, come back tomorrow.” He walks back in the next day and asks the same question. The clerk says, “Come back tomorrow.” He comes back the next day and asks, “Do you stuff birds?” The clerk says, “Yeah, I stuff birds.” The old man throws his dead parrot on the counter and…

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How Now Brown Cow?

Old cowboy Sam suddenly found all of his cows were very sick. An immediate call to the vet resulted in the recommendation for a cure involving the insertion of a rather large pill in the rear of each animal. After several rather difficult tries, another call to the vet resulted in the use of a blow pipe. With the pill in the blow pipe and a hard puff the pill was immediately lodged in the proper location. With the large…

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Black & White powders

A guy enters a bank to see about getting a business loan. “What kind of business do you want to start?” asks the bank manager. “I have some black powder. You sprinkle it on pussy and it makes it taste like a peach.” “I don’t think we can give you a loan,” was the reply, so the guy left. A few months later he went into the bank with a wheel barrel filled with money. The same bank manager came…

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THREE LITTLE PIGS

Once there were three little pigs in a bar. They all order beers and suck them down but only two go to the bathroom to pee. The two little pigs return and all three order another beer. They suck those down and the same two go to the bathroom. The waiter asks the pig still sitting at the table why he never goes to the bathroom. The pig replies, “I’m the little pig that goes wee wee wee all the…

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You’re Only As Old As She Feels

A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?” “About 35,” was the reply. “I’m actually 47,” the man says, feeling really happy. After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks…

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Worst Ever First (and Last) Date

This was on The Tonight Show September 7, 1999 Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The following won. She said it was snowing and cold and the guy took her skiing. It was just a day trip. They had never been out together before. The day went OK until they were coming back that afternoon. They were driving home and she suddenly had to pee urgently, but still…

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DNA

Did you know they’re having a hard time with the DNA on Monica Lewinsky’s dress…. It seems everyone in Arkansas has the same DNA! ——- You know how Bill & Hillary met don’t you?….. They dated the same girl in college! ——- Did you hear Hillary is now getting up at 4 AM every morning?…… She stated the she is going to be the First Lady!

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The amazing time saving idea!

A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon, and set it on the table. The diner was impressed. “Do all the waiters here carry spoons in their pockets?” The waiter replied, “Yes. Ever since an Efficiency Expert visited our restaurant… He determined that 17.8% of our diners knock the…

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