Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
This is presented as a public service. Perhaps it will prevent YOU from experiencing the same tragedy that happened to my female cousin. On June 25, 1999, at a hospital in New York state, doctors removed a seven pound cancer from my cousin’s uterus. Our family was shocked and saddened by the news, to be sure, but not nearly as much as when we found out that it was completely PREVENTABLE. After the operation, the lead surgeon told our family…
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Two men were riding in a car when the driver of the car ran a red light. The passenger, scared of getting pulled over — or worse — warned the driver, “You’d better be careful, you’ll get a ticket!” The driver replied, “It’s okay, my brother does it all of the time.” A little further up the road the driver ran yet another red light and treated it with the same regard as the first. Before the passenger could say…
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Sam got a new job in an all-night, all-purpose superstore. He was there about an hour when a man walked in. “Hello,” said the man. “Hello, what can I get you?” said Sam. “I’d like a packet of nails please.” Sam got the nails, gave them to the man and said, “That’ll be one ninety-nine please”. The man paid the money and left. The Store Manager came quickly over, and hissed at sam. “What were you doing?” “What?” said our…
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You receive a $300 bill from your tree surgeon and you live in an apartment. The plumber tells you it would be cheaper to install a diving board than to drain the cellar. You bear a striking resemblance to this week’s prime suspect on America’s Most Wanted. The Dialing for Dollars host quizzes you about the only John Wayne film you haven’t seen. Your heart medication has been replaced with sugar pills and a note that says “April fools!” You…
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A pissed-off wife was complaining about her husband spending all his time at the pub, so one night he took her along. “What’ll ya have?” he asked. “Oh, I don’t know. The same as you I suppose,” she replied. So the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniels and threw his down in one go. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out. “Yuck, it’s nasty poison!” she spluttered. “I don’t know…
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1. If you pay dues on a tatoo. 2. If you’ve been on the news five times explaining what the tornado did. 3. If people often come to your door thinking you were having a yardsale. 4. If you mow your yard and find a car. 5. If you hear the term “modem” and think of what you did to your roses last week. 6. If you see a sign that says “Say no to crack” and it reminds you…
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(This is a true story from the newspaper The Cape Times, South Africa) “For several months, our nurses have been baffled to find a patient dead in the same bed every Friday morning,” a spokeswoman for the Pelonomi Hospital (Free State, South Africa) told reporters. “There was no apparent cause for any of the deaths, and extensive checks on the air condidtioning system, and search for possible bacterial infection, failed to reveal any clues. However, further inquiries have now revealed…
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A man and a woman were waiting in line at the hospital donation center. Man: “What are you doing here today?” Woman: “Oh, I’m here to donate some blood. They’re going to give me $5 for it.” Man: Hmmm, that’s interesting. I’m here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25. The woman looked thoughtful for a moment, and they chatted some more before going their separate ways. Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in…
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A blonde dials 911 to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher. “They’ve stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, and even the accelerator!” she cries. The 911 dispatcher says, “Stay calm. An officer is on the way. He will be there in two minutes.” Before the police get to the crime scene, however, the 911 dispatcher’s telephone rings a second time, and the same blonde…
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Former President Bill Clinton and Pope John Paul II both die on the same day, and by some error, the Pope gets sent to hell, while Bill Clinton goes to heaven. Eventually, it’s been learned that there’s been a mistake. So Clinton has to get on the down escalator going from heaven to hell, while the Pope goes on the up escalator from hell to heaven. (Of course it’s an escalator.) Clinton sees the Pope and says, “Your Excellency, how…
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