Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
One evening a guy broke into a house and began to burglarize it. He started to unhook the t.v when he heard “Jesus is watching you.” He looked around and no one was there. He started to unhook the stero and again heard “Jesus is watching you.” When he turned the corner he saw a parrot. He asked, “Are you the one saying Jesus is watching you?” The parrot answered “yes.” Then he asked the parrot what his name was,…
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A guy sticks his head in the barber shop and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looks around the shop and says, “About two hours.” The guy leaves. A few days later, the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, “How long before I get a haircut?” The barber looks around the shop full of customers and says, “About two hours.” The guy leaves. A week later, the same guy sticks his…
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When I came into the office this morning, I noticed a sort of general feeling of unfriendliness, and since several of you have called me a “dirty son of a bitch” to my face, I knew I must have done something wrong at the office New Year’s Party. The Office Manager called me from the hospital today, and as this is my last day on the job, I’d like to take this way of apologizing to all of you. I…
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It’s common practice in England to ring a telephone by sending extra voltage across one side of the two wire circuit and ground (earth in England). When the subscriber answers the phone, it switches to the two wire circuit for the conversation. This method allows two parties on the same line to be signaled without disturbing each other. Anyway, an elderly lady with several pets called to say that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called; and that…
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This is supposedly a true story from a recent Defence Science Lectures Series, as related by the head of the Australian DSTO’s Land Operations/Simulation division. They’ve been working on some really nifty virtual reality simulators, the case in point being to incorporate Armed Reconnaissance Helicopters into exercises (from the data fusion point of view). Most of the people they employ on this sort of thing are ex- (or future) computer game programmers. Anyway, as part of the reality parameters, they…
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Once upon a time, there was a beautiful valley, where the grass grew green and the people were happy. A river flowed through the center of this valley, providing life and water to all who needed it. Also in this valley lived the Twids. The Twids were friendly people, but they were very small. In fact, Twids were about the height of an average person’s knees. Anyway, these twids lived happily and in harmony with the world around them. On…
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It’s a sunny afternoon on a summer day. A blonde is seen in front of K-Mart in a shopping mall. She is visibly flustered and sweating profusely. People in the stores have been watching her in almost the same place for hours. Every now and then she’s been asking shoppers – ‘Could you tell me the time please?’ She hears the answer and mutters – ‘How can this happen?’ Finally she meets a kind old lady and asks her the…
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Bill Clinton and the Pope both die on the same day. Clinton goes to heaven and the Pope goes to hell. Upon their arrivals at their respectful destinations the Pope begins to argue with Satan that there must have been a mistake. After checking the computer the devil comes back and tells the Pope that there was a mistake and that he should get on the UP escalator as soon as a replacement can be found in heaven. Shortly thereafter…
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Fred knocks on his friends door. The wife answers and he asks, “Is John home?” She says, “No, but come on in and wait, he should be home anytime.” She offers him a beer and after about 3 beers, John still hasn’t shown up yet. Fred says, “Hey I’ll give ya a $100 if I can see one of your tits.” Well, she thinks, “Boy that would help with the rent. So she pulls up her shirt and flashes him…
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One day at the carp fair there was a shovel throwing competition. The first contestant gets up and throws the shovel 100 yards. The shovel throwing judge says,” Wow what a toss, that was better than anyone at the last fair, do you mind if I ask what you do for a living?” The guy says,” My grandfather was a farmer, my daddy’s a farmer and I’m a farmer; we shovel shit all day long, I guess I just got…
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