Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
I think Santa Claus is a woman…. I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he’s a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off! For starters, the vast majority of men don’t even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. It’s as if they are all frozen in some kind of ebenezerian Time…
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An old lady just bought a brand new $35 million dollar car. As she was driving home she turned on the radio and it wouldn’t work. So she turned back around, went back to the dealership where she bought it and said she wanted a different car because her radio didn’t work. The dealer there said it worked, it was just voice activated. So on the way home she decided to try it out, she said ‘country’ and a George…
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1.At dinner, guard your plate with fork and steak knife, so as to give the impression that you’ll stab anyone, including the waiter, who reaches for it. 2.Collect the salt shakers from all of the tables in the restaurant, and balance them in a tower on your table. 3.Wipe your nose on your date’s sleeve. Twice. 4.Make funny faces at other patrons, then sneer at their reactions. 5.Repeat every third third word you say say. 6.Give your claim to fame…
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A man walks up to an attractive woman at a bar. “Do you want to dance?” asks the man. “I don’t care much for this song, and wouldn’t be caught dead dancing with you anyway” snips the woman. “Oh, excuse me, you must have misunderstood — I said you look FAT in those pants!!”
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Things you shouldn’t say to a cop Sorry, Officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in. And that hooker I met at the AIDS clinic said you were a nice guy. Hey, you must’ve been doin’ about 125mph to keep up with me! Good job! That uniform makes your ass look really big. Excuse me. Is “stick up” hyphenated? I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a Police Officer. You don’t happen…
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Sing this to the tune of John Lennon’s song “Imagine” : Imagine there’s no Windows, It’s easy if you try. No fatal errors or new bugs To kill your hard drives. Imagine Mr. Bill Gates Leaving us in peace! Imagine neverending hard disks, It isn’t hard to do. Nothing to del or wipe off And no floppy too Imagine Mr. Bill Gates Sharing all his money. You may say I’m a hacker, But I’m not the only one. I hope…
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In a young classroom, three young children are discussing their fathers’ careers. The first boy says, “My Dad writed words on a piece of paper. He calls it a poem, and gets paid ?100 for it.” The boys agree this is impressive. The second boy says, “My Dad also writes words on a piece of paper. He calls his a song and gets paid ?1000 for it.” They all agree this is also impressive. The third boy says, “My Dad…
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Today, there was a great loss in the entertainment world. The man who wrote the song “Hokey Pokey” died. What was really horrible was that they had trouble keeping his body in the casket. They’d put his left leg in and… well, you know the rest.
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This appeared in a local Sunday magazine recently. For those unfamiliar with the Star Wars saga, James Earl Jones was the voice of that great villain Darth Vader. But those Star Wars fans will surely appreciate this fanciful article : Supposedly James Earl Jones is Vassar College’s Commencement speaker for this year. Oddly, this event coincides with the release of the much awaited “Phantom Menace” and the unexpected popularity of Baz Luhrmann’s “Sunscreen Song” (which, if you haven’t had your…
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(Scene 1) KATE WINSLET: My, this is a fancy boat, isn’t it? KATE’S WEASELLY FIANCE: Yes, it certainly is. Here is the art you asked for. It is by an artist named “Picasso.” I am certain he will amount to nothing. KATE: Ha ha ha. That is very funny to our 90’s audience, because they know these priceless paintings will sink with the boat. LEONARDO DiCAPRIO: Hello, I’m Leonardo DiCaprio. Perhaps you have seen the many Internet sites dedicated to…
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