Right man Jokes - page 21

City Slicker

This guy decides to leave the city and become a farmer, so he sold all his possesions and bought a farm. Upon arriving he thought he would need a few animals, so on foot he takes out walking and comes upon a sign that says chickens for sale, so he goes and talks to the farmer. “Well, son, around here, we call them pullets.” So he says, “Give me one.” He goes on until he sees a sign that says…

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ARKANSAS STATE RESIDENCY APPLICATION

Plez compleet the follwin best ya can: Name: (_) Billy-Bob (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-George (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (_) Billy-Jefferson Last Name: (If unsure of spelling, write it out the way it sounds) (Check appropriate box) Age: ____ Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right Occupation: (_)Farmer (_)Mechanic (_)Hair Dresser (_)Un-employed Spouse’s Name: __________________________ Second Spouse’s Name: __________________________ Mistress’s Name: __________________________ Second Mistress’s Name: __________________________ Number of times you have…

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Hell’s not so bad

A young man died somewhat before his time in a motor accident, and found himself in Hell. He sat in a hot ante-room surrounded by swirling sulphurous gases as he gloomily awaited his fate. He’d heard all the jokes. “OK lads, tea break’s over, back on your heads.” Being forced to listen to a continuous Barry Manilow tape. The electrodes on the goolies. It made him shiver. Finally Satan arrived, detected the young chap’s demeanour and said, “Hey, why so…

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Horny on the Pipeline 2

A man is in Alaska working on a pipeline. After time goes by, he gets horny and asks his boss what they can do for “fun”. The boss says that since the entire camp of workers consists of only men, and there isn’t a woman around for hundred of miles, that there is a tree out in the woods with a hole in it. When the boys get horny they go and have sex with the tree. The man thought…

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On the Job

Medical Student I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation she happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat…

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Sperm Bank & empty jar

A man walks into a sperm bank and says, “I’d like to make a donation. So the lady at the front desk hands him a jar and says, “Here , fill it up and bring it back in a week.” The man says “OK, see you then,” and leaves. When he comes back in a week he hands the woman the empty jar and says, “I tried it with left hand, I tried it with my right hand, my wife…

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The Nursing Home

One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again…

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Wrong House

An old fellow was snoozing away, contentedly, when he was startled awake by the doorbell. He staggered off the couch to make his way to the door. There stood a gorgeous young woman. “Oh, my goodness,” the pretty young thing exclaimed. “I’m at the wrong house.” “Sweetheart, you’re at the right house, the old guy assured her. “But you’re forty years too late!”

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More things men will NEVER say…..

1. I think Barry Manilow is one cool motherfucker. 2. No I don’t want another beer. I have to work tomorrow. 3. Her tits are just too big. 4. Sometimes I just want to be held. 5. That chick on “20/20” gives me a woody. 6. Sure! I’d LOVE to wear a condom. 7. We haven’t been to the mall for ages, let’s go shopping and I can hold your purse. 8. Screw Monday Night Football; let’s watch “Ally McBeal”.…

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Tips for Life

OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out names and addresses of people you don’t know. WHEN reading a book, try tearing out the pages as you read them. This saves the expense of buying a bookmark, and the pages can later be used for shopping lists. A TEASPOON placed in a glass on the back seat of your car makes a handy audible gauge for road bump severity. BUS DRIVERS: Pretend you’re an airline pilot, by…

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