Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Phil was driving home from the insurance office where he worked when his right rear tire blew. He bumped along to a stop in front of the State Mental Hospital where he noticed that he was being observed by a patient sitting on the grass. Realizing this was not a dangerous inmate, Phil ignored him and pried off the hubcap. He got the car jacked up and spun the five lug nuts off the wheel, dropping them carefully in the…
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Not long after his marriage, Ernie Junior and his father, Ernie Senior, met for lunch. “Well, son,” asked Ernie Senior, “How is married life treating you?” “Not very well, I’m afraid,” sighed Junior. “It seems I married a nun.” “A nun?” his father questioned. “That’s right,” moaned Ernie Junior, “none in the morning, none at night, and none at all unless I beg!” Ernie Senior nodded, knowingly, and slapped his boy on the back a couple of times. “Why don’t…
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Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to “I love you.” Hallmark would make “Sorry, what was your name again?” cards. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she’d appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a timeout. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a “Nice hustle, you’ll get ’em next time” would pretty much do it. The…
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If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that’s more like it!) The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps outward to squirt blood 30 feet. A pig’s orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. (Lucky Pig!) Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Still not over that pig thing!) Humans, whales and dolphins are the only species that have sex for…
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A couple had been married 50 years and were celebrating with a champagne breakfast. Joe, the husband, looks across the table at his wife Marion with a gleam in his eye and says “Do you remember what we did at our first breakfast after we were married?” Marion smiles and says, “Well, I think we didn’t even put our nightclothes back on after our honeymoon night. If I remember right, we had breakfast together stark naked.” “How about we do…
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1. You have to keep pumping if you want to get anywhere. 2. It’s best to wear protective head-gear when going into unfamiliar territory. 3. You can do it with no hands, but it’s best not to try it until you have a lot of experience. 4. It’s easier to learn with the help of someone who has a lot of experience. 5. You can do it by yourself, but it’s usually not as much fun. 6. It’s usually hard…
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Heard over The US Armed Forces Radio Station, Okinawa, in 1959. “HELLLLOOOO Okinawa!!!!!!” For all you civilian employees the time is now 4:30. For you guys in the Army and Air Force that’s 1630 hours. For you guys in the Navy that’s 8 Bells. For you Marines……..the big hand is on the 6 and the little hand is right in between the 4 and 5.
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This drunken old yahoo staggers into a bar with a frightened look on his face. “I need a drink right away!” The bartender asked what was wrong and the drunk explained, “I was on the street corner ‘paddling the pickle’ when a truck came by, grazed it, and knocked it out of my hand.” The bartender couldn’t beleive what he was hearing but the drunk swore it was true. “You see,” the drunk slurred, “I found it laying by the…
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Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 mph. He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide-eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to…
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1. Next mood swing: 6 minutes. 2. All stressed out and no one to choke. 3. And your point is… 4. Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it. 5. Remember my name — you’ll be screaming it later. 6. You KNOW you want me. 7. Don’t worry. It’ll only seem kinky the first time… 8. Of course I don’t look busy… I did it right the first time. 9. I’m multi-talented: I can talk and…
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