Rig Jokes - page 56

Gals’ Night Out

Last Saturday night to celebrate my birthday, my sister-in-law phoned a few of my friends and took me to a male strip club. I have to admit, some of these guys are quite attractive. To get the evening moving, my sister-in-law Angela started waving a ten-dollar bill, and a male dancer came right up to us. She licked the bill and stuck it on his butt, and this guy started gyrating right in her face. My friend Jane was getting…

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Paw, Git Out Here!

Maw is outside the house hanging up the laundry, when she hears Paw in the kitchen. Maw walks in and says, “Paw, get out there and fix that there outhouse.” He says, “All right, Maw.” He walks out to the outhouse, looks at it, and says, Maw, there ain’t nothin’ wrong with this here outhouse!” Maw says, “Yes, there is. Put your head down in the hole.” He puts his head down in the hole, and he says, “Maw, there…

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my TOP 10 blonde jokes

Q: What did the blonde say when the docotor told her that she was pregnant? A: Is it mine? —————————— Q: Why did the blonde have tire marks across her back? A: Because the sign said “Don’t Walk” —————————— Q: How do you kill a blonde? A: Put a scratch-n-sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool. —————————— Q: Why did the blonde’s belly button hurt? A: ‘Cause her boyfriends were all blondes too. —————————— Q: How would you kill…

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Ain’t So Boring After All

There were two men who had gone to the same college and had become great friends. During college, they had a great time together. They were always right in the middle of anything happening. When they graduated, however, they each went their own separate ways. Two or three years later, they ran into one another on the street. They were very happy to see each other. During the conversation, one of them asked the other what he was doing for…

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Herd of Cows

A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be “Macho,” and went out walking with one of the hired hands. Walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried starting a conversation: “Say, look at that bunch of cows.” The hired hand replied, “Not ‘bunch,’ but ‘herd.’” “Heard what?” “Herd of cows.” “Sure, I’ve heard of cows. There’s a big bunch of ’em right over there.”

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Pledge of Allegiance

The teacher advised the class that they start each day with the pledge of allegiance and instructed them to put their right hand over their hearts and repeat after her. As she starts the recitation, she looks around the room, “I pledge allegiance to the flag . . .” When her eyes fell on Johnny, she found he had his hand over the right cheek of his buttocks. “Johnny, I will not continue until you put your hand over your…

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Thoughts from the Kitchen

A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and THIS kitchen is delirious. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes. A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house. If we are what we eat, then I’m easy, fast and cheap. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they…

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Sex on a Sunday

A Preacher was concluding his Sunday sermon at the Church of the Ozarks when he said “Before we adjourn to Miss Ida’s fried chicken lunch, I’d like you to feel free to ask me any questions you have.” Miss Daisy, the most beautiful young lady in the congregation raised her hand. “Preacher,” she said, “Is sexual intercourse permitted on Sunday?” “Well I don’t know right off,” replied the Preacher, “but I’ll find the answer right here in the Good Book.”…

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One of us

An English taxidermist is sweating his way through the Australian outback when he comes across a bar. He staggers in between the beer swilling locals and, in his well educated voice, asks the bartender, “May I have a gin and tonic, please, my good man.” One of the locals says to his mates, “Geez, cobbers, what kind of a fucking man?s drink is that?” Then, turning to the Englishman, “Hey! You! Yes, you, you fucking Pom! Gin and fucking tonic,…

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Snatch-eating Frog

This woman goes to a pet store to purchase some dog food. She puts the bag of food up on the counter and notices a box full of frogs. She reads the sign on the box. and it says…”Snatch Eating Frogs $20.00 each comes with instructions)”. She looks at it for a minute…looks around to see if anyone’s watching her… and whispers to the man behind the counter…”I’LL TAKE ONE!” He packages up a frog. The woman grabs her dog…

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