Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick. “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all,” the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. “Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom.” He looked toward the courtroom door.…
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I did not do it in a car I did not do it in a bar I did not do it in the dark I did not do it in the park I did not do it on a date I did not ever fornicate I did not do it at a dance I did not do it in her pants I did not get beyond first base I did not do it in her face I never did it…
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Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for the week preceding the exam and doing the following exercises you will be totally prepared for the test. And, best of all, you can do these simple practice exercises right in your own home. EXERCISE #1: Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of…
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A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, “It’s a lot of money!” After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president’s office (the customer is always right!). The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, “$165,000!” and dumped the cash…
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Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself being sized up by God…. “Well, Bill, I’m really confused on this call; I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows ’95. I’m going to do something I’ve never done before. I’m going to let you decide where you want to go.” Bill replied,…
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Dave is struggling through the Dallas airport terminal with two huge and obviously heavy suitcases when a man stops him and says “Pardon me, do you have the time?” Dave sighs, puts down the suitcases and glances at his wrist. “It’s a quarter to three”, he says. “Thanks, that’s a pretty fancy watch”, says the man. Dave smiles. “Yes, I invented it. Check this out.”, and he shows him a time zone display, not just for every time zone on…
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What does your profession say about you? ======================================= 1. MARKETING You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales. 2. SALES Laziest of all signs, often referred to as “marketing without a degree.” You are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like…
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An older couple had a son, who was still living with his parents. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his future career … so they decided to do a small test. They took a ten-dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table … then they hid, pretending they were not at home. The father’s plan was: “If our son takes the money,…
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NEW YORK–Tragedy struck at a popular Manhattan nightclub Saturday, when the roof of “The Tunnel” caught fire, collapsing and killing 43 party people. According to fire-department officials, the death toll was exacerbated by the clubgoers’ unwillingness to evacuate the burning building. “I tried shouting to the people on the dance floor that the roof was on fire and that they should exit the premises immediately, but they seemed unfazed by the danger,” firefighter Michael Pitti said. “I just kept shouting,…
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A jokester, stifling a laugh, said, “Listen to this: One day Moskowitz and Finkelstein were going to—” At this, Mr. Cohen, who happened to be among the audience, said, “Moskowitz and Finkelstein; Moskowitz and Finkelstein; always two Jews. Why do they have to be Jewish? Can’t you tell the joke with other nationalities involved? Why don’t you make them Chinese for a change? The jokester, sobered and rather embarrassed, said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend. Here’s the joke:…
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