Ra ra ra Jokes - page 50

The Painter

An optometrist operates on a hippie painter’s girlfriend and saves her eyesight. The hippie painter is so grateful that he goes to the doctor’s house one day, while the doctor has office hours, goes inside and paints a huge eye on an entire wall of the living room, leaving the fireplace as the pupil of the eye. He’s just finishing up when the doctor walks in. He says to the doctor, “Well, do you like it man?” The doctor says,…

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Dear John,

This soldier had been stationed overseas and was fooling around on his wife. She was back home in the states. She found out about it through some anonymous letters. The soldier gets a package from his wife. He finds inside a batch of homemade cookies and a video tape of his favorite stateside TV shows. He invites a couple of buddies over to watch the tape. They’re all having a great time eating the cookies and watching episodes of “South…

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The Marriage Counselor

After just a few years of marriage filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each other’s throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw. When they arrived at the counselor’s office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. “What seems to be the problem?” Immediately, the husband held his long face down without…

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3 boys in class

There was class as usual in the fifth grade. In this class all the students would sit on the back except for two shy boys. But today, a boy named Pepito had been talking too much so the teacher told him, he had to sit on the front row. That day, while the teacher was giving lecture (as always the students were falling asleep) the teacher slipped and fell. By the noise she made when she fell, the students rose…

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1957 Date

It’s the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He’s a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl’s father answers and invites him in. “Carrie’s not ready yet, so why don’t you have a seat?” he says. “That’s cool,” says Bobby. Carrie’s father asks Bobby what they’re planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie. Carrie’s…

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mixed up

A old man walks into the pharmacy he says, “You need to do something about these labels, they are kinda hard to read.” He said, “I have a prescription for Viagra and one for a laxative. Last night I got them mixed up and I couldn’t tell if I was coming or going.”

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Baseball in the Great Beyond

St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball. Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys. “Very well,” said the gatekeeper of Heaven. But you realize, I hope, that we’ve got all the good players and the best coaches. “I know, and that’s all right,” Satan answered, unperturbed. “We’ve got all the umpires.”

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Independence Day

Lil’ Johnny’s teacher decided that she’d test her students’ knowledge on holidays. She went through Christmas and Easter and all of those. So far all of them were doing well. The last one left was Independence Day. She figured he couldn’t make that a sick answer. So, she called on him. This is what happened…. “What about Independence Day, Johnny?” asked his teacher. “In-deep-end-dance Day is about celebrating anniversaries of past sex lifes. The term In-deep-end-dance is self-explanatory….”

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New Secretary

Mr. Reiss got himself a new secretary. Maggie was young, sweet and polite. She was also quite witty. One day while taking dictation, Maggie noticed his fly was open and, on leaving the room, she said “Oh, Mr Reiss, did you know that your barracks door is open?” He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his new secretary. Calling…

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Important Message!

In light of the rising frequency of human-grizzly bear conflicts, the Montana Department of fish and game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions while in the field. They have advised that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle the bears. They further advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch for fresh signs of…

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