Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
This is a true story. My sister and I spent two weeks in Paris. The locals obviously hated Americans. No matter where we went, we were subject to rude behavior from waiters, store clerks pedestrians, etc. After a while it started to irritate us. One day in Paris, my sister went shopping. She entered a store and started looking around. She was the only customer in the store. As she looked through the clothes on the rack, a clerk hurriedly…
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Sing this to the tune of the Beatles’ “Yesterday” : Yesterday, All those backups seemed a waste of pay. Now my database has gone away. Oh I believe in yesterday. Suddenly, There’s not half the files there used to be, And there’s a milestone hanging over me The system crashed so suddenly. I pushed something wrong What it was I could not say. Now all my data’s gone and I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay. Yesterday, The need for back-ups seemed so…
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A town in Poland had only one cow, and it stopped giving milk. The townspeople did a little research and discovered they could get a cow from Moscow for 2000 rubles–or one from Minsk for only 1000 rubles. So, naturally, they got the cow from Minsk. It was a great cow with a wonderful disposition, and it gave lots of milk and lots of cream. Everyone loved it dearly. The people decided they would mate the cow and get more…
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I have found the following things about dogs: They are territorial: “If it smells like me, it’s mine!” “If it even looks like mine–it’s mine!” They are possessive: “If I put it in my mouth, it’s mine!” “If I tear it into a million tiny pieces, all million pieces are mine!” They have no concept of privacy: they will urinate right in front of you without embarrassment. They will urinate in the great outdoors without shame. They will eat anything.…
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~~~~ My wife and I can’t come to the phone right now, but if you’ll leave your name and number, we’ll get back to you as soon as we’re finished. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we’re not here. So leave a message. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid…
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Every night just before bedtime, Little Johnny listens to his father reading fairy tales. Having a deep sense of humor, his father usually ad-libs some parts of the fairy tales just for fun. One day, Little Johnny is in class listening to the teacher reading the story of the Three Little Pigs. The teacher reads, “… and the little pig met a man pushing a wheelbarrow full of straw. So the little pig said to the man, ‘Excuse me, mister.…
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There is this cop who is running low on his quota for the month and decides to check out one of the rowdier bars in town to catch some drunks. So, he’s waiting outside when about closing time this guy walks out, staggering, and falls down on the sidewalk. The cop is thinking, “boy, he’s drunk, this will be a good arrest.” The drunk guy crawls to his car, fiddles with his keys for about 30 minutes until he finds…
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There was this construction worker on the 7th floor of this unfinished building. He needed a hand saw, but was too lazy to go down and get it himself. He tried to call his fellow worker on the ground to get one for him, but this guy could not hear a word he said. So he started to give a sign so the guy on the ground could understand him. First he pointed at his eye (meaning “I”) then pointed…
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A skinhead type gets on the bus with an orange Mohawk cut all spiked out, green side burns, the whole bit. Another more conventional and a generation older man can’t take his eyes of him. Finally the skinhead says, “What’s the matter, old man? Can’t stand something different?” The man replies kindly, “Oh no! It’s just that I screwed a parrot once and you may be my son.”
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The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes The South has ‘mater samiches The North has coffeehouses The South has Waffle Houses The North has dating services The South has family reunions The North has switchblade knives The South has Lee Press-on Nails The North has double last names The South has double first names The North has Ted Kennedy The South has Jesse Helms The North has an ambulance The South has an amblance The North has the Mafia, The South has…
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