Pot Jokes - page 3

Radiohead Trades Cryptic Lyrics for Consumer Advice, Begs Fans: ‘Don’t Get Scammed!’

Radiohead, usually known for their profound, often melancholic, musical journeys, have apparently traded their cryptic lyrics for some very direct consumer advice. ? The band is urging fans to avoid those dodgy secondary ticket sites where a whopping 1,000+ potentially fraudulent tickets for their upcoming shows have been discovered. It seems even rock legends aren’t immune to the mundane horrors of ticket scalping! ? Read more: radiohead condemn exploitative touts and resale sites ahead of tour

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Read JokeRadiohead Trades Cryptic Lyrics for Consumer Advice, Begs Fans: ‘Don’t Get Scammed!’

Questions for Money

A group of friends, who prided themselves on their intelligence, set out to have a contest of wits. Each person in turn asked a question and anyone who volunteered an answer that was wrong dropped out. If no one could answer, the questioner himself had to answer, and if he was wrong, he dropped out. Each dropout had to put $5 into the pot. Eventually, the matter boiled down to Jason and Dean, and the erudition of each one boiled…

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Read JokeQuestions for Money

The Creation of Dog

On the first day of creation, God created the dog. On the second day, God created man to serve the dog. On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth (especially the horse) toserve as potential food for the dog. On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for the good of the dog. On the fifth day, God created the tennis ball so that the dog might or might not retrieve…

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Read JokeThe Creation of Dog

Complicated Order

A resident in a seaside hotel breakfast room called the head waiter to his table. “I want two boiled eggs, one of them so undercooked it’s runny, and the other so overcooked, it’s tough and hard to eat. Also, give me some grilled bacon that has been left on the plate to get cold; burnt toast that crumbles away as soon as you touch it with a knife; butter straight from the deep freeze so that it’s impossible to spread;…

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Read JokeComplicated Order

Now let’s see here if I understand all this correctly…

Now let’s see here if I understand all this correctly… President Clinton has ordered our forces to engage an entrenched, politically motivated enemy, backed by the Russians, on their home ground, in a foreign civil war, in difficult terrain, with limited military objectives, bombing restrictions, boundary and operational restrictions, queasy allies, far across the ocean, with uncertain goals, without prior consultation with Congress, the potential for escalation, while limiting the forces at his disposal, and the majority of Americans opposed…

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Read JokeNow let’s see here if I understand all this correctly…

Balloon Management

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realises he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?” The man below says: “Yes you’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.” “You must work in Information Technology,” says the balloonist. “I do,” replies the man. “How did you know?” “Well,” says the balloonist, “everything you…

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Read JokeBalloon Management

How cheap were they?

An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman went for a round of golf and their wives went along as caddies. While walking around the course, the English man’s wife caught her foot in a rabbit hole, tripped up, and landed in a heap on the ground. Her skirt was over her head revealing that she wasn’t wearing any knickers! The Englishman stormed over and angrily demanded a reason for her state of undress. “Well darling,” she explained, “you give me so…

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Read JokeHow cheap were they?

Martha Stewart’s December Christmas Calendar

Martha Stewart Holiday Calendar December 1 Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas Cards. December 2 Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine. December 3 Using candlewick and handgilded miniature pine cones, fashion cat-o-nine-tails. Flog Gardener. December 4 Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim. December 5 Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself. December 6 Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee…

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Read JokeMartha Stewart’s December Christmas Calendar

SOME HUNTING SHIT

One day these two hunters are walking through the woods when the one turns to his friend and tells him that he has to go take a shit. About 10-15 minutes go by and his friend is still not back, and while waiting for him up against the tree he spots a deer and shoots it. While gutting the deer he gets a devilish idea to take a handfull of the deer guts and sneak over to the spot where…

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Read JokeSOME HUNTING SHIT