Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Everyday I give thanks to the Goddess I have two mounds upon my bodice I shave my legs, sit down to pee – Can justify any shopping spree Don’t go to a barber, but a beauty salon Can get a massage without a hard-on I can balance my checkbook, can pump my own gas Can talk to my friends about the size of my ass My beauty’s a masterpiece, and yes, it takes long. At least I can admit to…
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There is nothing the matter with me. I’m as healthy as I can be. I have arthritis in both of my knees And when I talk, I talk with a wheeze. My pulse is weak, and my blood is thin. But I’m awfully well for the shape I’m in. Arch supports I have for my feet Or I wouldn’t be able to be on the street. Sleep is denied me night after night, But every morning, I find I’m all…
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In a young classroom, three young children are discussing their fathers’ careers. The first boy says, “My Dad writed words on a piece of paper. He calls it a poem, and gets paid ?100 for it.” The boys agree this is impressive. The second boy says, “My Dad also writes words on a piece of paper. He calls his a song and gets paid ?1000 for it.” They all agree this is also impressive. The third boy says, “My Dad…
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Miss Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Ave. Beaver Valley, CO Dec. 14, 1986 My Darling, I went to the door today and the postman delivered a “partridge in a pear tree”. What a thoroughly delightful gift. I couldn’t have been more surprised. You’re an angel. With all my love and devotion, Agnes Miss Agnes McHolstein Dec. 15, 1986 Darling, Today, the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine “Two turtle doves”. I’m delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are…
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December 14th Dearest John: I went to the door today and UPS was here with a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn’t have been more surprised. With dearest love and affection, Agnes December 15th Dearest John: Today, UPS brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle doves? I’m just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable. All my love, Agnes December 16th Dear John: Oh, aren’t you the extravagant one! Now…
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PERSONAL AD DEFINITIONS (What they REALLY mean) FIRST THE WOMEN 40-ish……………… 48 Adventurer………….. Has had more partners than you ever will Athletic……………. Flat-chested Average looking……… Ugly Beautiful…………… Pathological liar Contagious Smile…….. Bring your penicillin Educated……………. College dropout Emotionally Secure…… Medicated Feminist……………. Fat; ball buster Free spirit…………. Substance user Friendship first…….. Trying to live down reputation as slut Fun………………… Annoying Gentle……………… Comatose Good Listener……….. Borderline Autistic New-Age…………….. All body hair, all the time Old-fashioned……….. Lights out, missionary position only Open-minded…………. Desperate…
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The Perfect Man —————- The perfect man is gentle Never cruel and never mean He has a beautiful smile And keeps his face so clean. The perfect man loves children And will raise them by your side He will be a good father And a good husband to his bride. The perfect man loves cooking Cleaning and vacuuming too He’ll do anything in his power To convey his love to you. The perfect man is sweet Writing poetry from your…
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A nationwide poetry contest was being held for college students. It was down to the two finalists: a sharp female english student at Harvard, and a redneck from Alabama State. The judges gave the finalists the same word, and they had to make an impromptu poem out of that word. The audience?s favorite poem would win the contest. The Harvard english student was picked to go first, and the word was ?Timbuktu.? So she thought for a couple minutes, got…
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Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, “My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, and they give him $50.” The second boy says, “That’s nothing. My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, and they give him $100.” The third boy says, “I got you both beat. My dad scribbles a few words on a piece…
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Oscar Wilde was a poseur and what he said was never necessarily true. However, he was visiting at a friend’s summer house and one morning he did not show up till it was nearly lunchtime. His friend said, “What have you been doing all morning, Oscar?” “Working,” said Wilde. “Accomplish anything?” “Oh, yes, I inserted a comma in a poem I’m writing.” He then disappeared all afternoon. When he showed up for dinner, his friend said, “More work?” “Yes,” said…
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