Oy Jokes - page 20

Tarzan and Jane were lying in bed early one Sunday morning. Gently, Tarzan rolled over towards Jane and started to give her a playful shoulder massage. “Oh Tarzan”, she said… “Not now dear. I’m still sleepy, and besides, I’m hungry Why don’t you go out and find us something for breakfast.” Tarzan grudgingly slipped on his loin cloth, stretched his muscular torso, and grabbed the first vine, heading off into the jungle. The sun was shining and all the animals…

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ACCOUNTANTS are good with figures. ACTORS do it on cue. ADVERTISERS use the “new, improved” method. AMBULANCE DRIVERS come quicker. ARCHAEOLOGISTS like it old. ARCHITECTS have great plans. ARTISTS are exhibitionists. ASSEMBLY LINE WORKERS do it over and over. ASTRONOMERS do it with Uranus. ATTORNEYS make better motions. AUDITORS like to examine figures. BABYSITTERS charge by the hour. BAILIFFS always come to order. BAKERS knead it daily. BAND MEMBERS play all night. BANKERS do it with interest – penalty for…

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Three Trailer Trash brothers, Buford, Daryl and Daryl, go out on the lake fishin in a canoe. Purty soon, Daryl an Daryl get to rasslin in the canoe and sure enough it turns over. Now Buford he smart but he cain’t swim none, so he drowns while Daryl and Daryl they get picked up by Luke McCoy who is also out thar fishin. The next day, Sheriff Will Harmon, he sends his deputy to bring Daryl and Daryl down to…

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Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. The first said, “I built a big house for our mother.” The second said, “I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.” The third smiled and said, “I’ve got you both beat. You remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can’t see very well anymore. So I sent her a…

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SOUTHERN SAYINGS….. 1. “Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit.” 2. “It’s been hotter’n a goat’s butt in a pepper patch.” 3. “He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.” 4. “Have a cup of coffee, it’s already been ‘saucered and blowed.’” 5. “She’s so stuck up, she’d drown in a rainstorm.” 6. “It’s so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs.” 7. “My cow died last night so I don’t…

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Three football fans were driving down the road together, when they spied something laying on the side of the road. Upon investigating, they discovered a dead young woman, who was lying face up, and competely nude. The first football fan removed his Green Bay Packers cap and placed it over her right breast. The second football fan removed his San Francisco 49er cap and placed it over her left breast. The third football fan removed his Dallas Cowboys cap and…

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A young child was constantly picked on by an older one, who would make him cry. His Mother told him, “The next time he bullies you, hit him as hard as you can!” The younger boy saw the bully in the park the next day, snuck up behind him and hit him in the back of the head, super hard, knocking the bully out cold. The little kid went home and bragged to his Mother about his success. His Mother…

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