Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A man named John was walking down the street. Some time later he met his friend, Peter. “Hello, Peter.” John said, “I was just going to the market to buy some cabbage for supper. Would you like to come along?” Peter nodded. The two men walked along for about fifteen minutes, when John spoke up, “Phew! Something stinks! Peter, did you shit your pants today?” Peter shook his head. They were passing the movie theatre now and John’s eyes were…
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One day at the fair, there is an elephant. Next to the elephant is a sign: “MAKE THE ELEPHANT NOD, WIN $1000” Many people tried and failed, none could make the elephant nod its head. Finally, an elderly man walked over and grabbed the elephant’s balls. The animal roared in pain and reared its head up and down. The man walked off with the prize money. The next day, there is a new sign next to the elephant, which reads:…
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The phone rings at DEA headquarters. “Hello?” “Hello, is this DEA?” “Yes. What can we do for you?” “I’m calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding cocaine in his firewood.” “This will be noted.” Next day, the DEA comes over to Tom’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no cocaine, swear at Tom and leave. The phone rings at Tom’s house. “Hey, Tom! Did the DEA come?” “Yeah!”…
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A man goes to a fancy steakhouse, one of the fanciest in town, and orders the house special. The waiter brings the first course, soup, and the man notices the waiter’s thumb in the soup. He is about to protest, but says nothing; after all, this was a fancy restaurant, one of the city’s best. When the waiter brings the steak, our man sees his thumb on the steak. He speaks up to ask, “Why did you put your thumb…
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Just a line to say I’m living, That I’m not among the dead, Though I’m getting more forgetful And all mixed up inside my head. I got used to my arthritis, To my dentures, I’m resigned. I can manage my bifocals But, Dear God, I miss my mind. Sometimes I can’t remember When I’m at the foot of stairs If I must go up for something Or if I’ve just come down from there. And before the fridge so often,…
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A nervous man with a heart condition, accompanied by his nagging wife, was being examined by a doctor. After checking the chart, he nodded and wrote the man a prescription for a super powerful tranquilizer. The man asked, “How often do I take these?” “Once every six hours. But they’re not for you,” replied the doctor. “They’re for your wife.”
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Six Jewish gentlemen were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Meyerowitz lost $500 on a single hand, clutched his chest and dropped dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five completed their game standing up. Whereupon, Finkelstein looked around and asked, “Who is going to tell the wife?” They drew straws. Goldberg, who was always a loser, picked the short one. His fellow cardplayers told him to be discreet, be gentle, and don’t make…
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The customer in the Italian restaurant was so pleased that he asked to speak to the chef. The owner proudly led him into the kitchen and introduced him to the chief. “Your veal parmigiana was superb,” the customer said. “I just spent a month in Italy, and yours is better than any I ever had over there.” “Naturally,” the chef said. “Over there, they use domestic cheese. Ours is imported.”
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A man and a woman were married for 40 years. When they first got married the man said, “I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it.” In all their 40 years of marriage the woman never looked. However, on the afternoon of their 40th anniversary curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer bottles and $1874 in small bills.…
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Having gone to his secretary’s apartment, Mr. Biggs was astonished to wake up and find that it was three in the morning. “My God!” he shouted. “My wife is going to kill me!” Unsure of how he would explain it, he ran to the nearest pay phone and called his wife. “Honey!” he began, “don’t pay the ransom. I escaped!”
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