Ow Jokes - page 263

C.A.T.S.

* Missing your cat? Try looking under my tires. * I love cats … dead ones * I love cats … they taste just like chicken * Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit. * So many recipes, so few cats. * Cats… the other white meat. * The gene pool could use a little chlorine. * I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. * Save a mouse… Eat…

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Wedding Day Revenge

This actually IS true. It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it! Only in South Carolina!! Bitter sweet revenge. It’s about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University. This was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage at the microphone to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them…

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The Good Book

A preacher was telling his congregation that anything they could think of, old or new, was discussed somewhere in the Bible and that the entirety of the human experience could be found there. After the service, he was approached by a woman who said, “Preacher, I don’t believe the Bible mentions PMS.” The preacher replied that he was sure it must be there somewhere and he would look for it. The following week after the service, the preacher called the…

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About Animals

A mother was reading a book about animals to her three year old daughter. Mother: “What does the Cow say?” Child: “Mooo.” Mother: “Very Good! Now what does the Cat say?” Child: “Meow.” Mother: “Ohh you’re so smart, now what does the frog say?” And this little 3 year old girl looked up at her mother and replied, “Bud.”

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bagpipes

There was a Scotsman, American,and a Mexican. They were driving along a road in Canada. They all saw a cow and the Mexican said, “That is a Mexican cow because of the spots.” “No,no,no!” said the American. “That is an American cow because of the way it walks.” “No, you are both wrong!” said the Scotsman. “It is a Scottish cow because of the bagpipes underneath.”

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Getting Some

A man was driving down the highway and he saw a sheep with his head stuck in the fence. So the guy got out of the car and started humping the sheep. Another guy came along and said, “Can I have some of that?” The first guy said, “You’ll have to wait until I’m done.” Then the second guy said, “Do I have to stick my head in the fence, too?”

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Paw, Git Out Here!

Maw is outside the house hanging up the laundry, when she hears Paw in the kitchen. Maw walks in and says, “Paw, get out there and fix that there outhouse.” He says, “All right, Maw.” He walks out to the outhouse, looks at it, and says, Maw, there ain’t nothin’ wrong with this here outhouse!” Maw says, “Yes, there is. Put your head down in the hole.” He puts his head down in the hole, and he says, “Maw, there…

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College Fun

Two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school were both virgins; they enjoyed losing their virginity to each other in 10th grade. When they graduated, they wanted both to go to the same college but, the girl was accepted to a college on the East Coast, and the guy went to a college on the West Coast. They agreed to be faithful to each other and to spend anytime they could together. As time…

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Raffle Prizes

Bill, Michael and their blonde friend, Stacy, were in the pub enjoying a few quiet drinks one night, when they decided to get in on the weekly raffle. The bought five $1 tickets each, seeing it was for charity. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, they each won a prize. Bill won the first prize: a whole year’s supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce. Michael won the second prize: a six month’s supply of gourmet spaghetti. Stacy won the…

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my TOP 10 blonde jokes

Q: What did the blonde say when the docotor told her that she was pregnant? A: Is it mine? —————————— Q: Why did the blonde have tire marks across her back? A: Because the sign said “Don’t Walk” —————————— Q: How do you kill a blonde? A: Put a scratch-n-sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool. —————————— Q: Why did the blonde’s belly button hurt? A: ‘Cause her boyfriends were all blondes too. —————————— Q: How would you kill…

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