One man Jokes - page 22

Concealment Doesn’t Count

It’s more than obvious: The high technology of the information age isn’t for everyone. Consider the man standing by the office fax machine and scratching his head when a co-worker walks by. “Do you know anything about this fax machine?” the puzzled fellow asks. “A little. What’s wrong?” “Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say all she received was a blank page. I tried it again, and the same thing happened.” “How did you load…

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Halloween

A couple decide to go to a Halloween party one year. So they dressed up as two cows and headed out for the party.. While on their way, the car broke down and they were stranded. As the man walked around the car kicking and cussing , He noticed the house they were going to was just accross the pasture. “Well,” said the man. “I guess we can walk through the pasture and be there in a minute or two…

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7 o clock dentist appointment

A man phones the dentist and asks, “Can I have an appointment to take a tooth out?” The dentist replies, “Yes, I can fit you in at 4pm, it will cost $50.” “I can’t afford that, can’t you do it cheaper?” “Well, if you come at 5pm, the receptionist has left, so I don’t have to pay her wages, $40.” “Still too much.”Come at 6pm, There’s no electricity, it’ll be dark. $30.” I still can’t afford it.” ” Come at…

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Get the Hell Out!

I dreamed that Bill Gates and I both died on the same day, and we went to hell. I felt that there must have been some kind of mistake, so I went to talk to Satan and asked if there was any way to get out of hell. Satan said, “Well there is one way…you have to find the ugliest, nastiest looking woman in hell and make mad passionate love to her, and then you might be able to get…

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Car crash

A man and his girlfriend are driving down the highway. The man asks “If I drive 100 mph will you take off your clothes?” and she agrees. So the man drives 100 mph and his girlfriend strips. The man is so busy looking at his girlfriend that he crashes into a tree. The car flipped over, trapping the man and all of his girlfriend’s clothes. All that is free of the car is the girlfriend and one of his shoes.…

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Green Side Up

One day there was a lady who wanted to have her wallpaper put up. She didn’t feel like learning how, so she hired a contractor. The contractor came out for the estimate, and she told him that she wanted red in the living room. The man wrote it down and yelled out of an open window “GREEN SIDE UP!”. The lady was a bit shocked, needless to say. She thought the man was a little peculiar. The dining room was…

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Close Cut

A really good-looking girl was giving a man a manicure in the barber shop. “How about a date when you finish work?” he asked. “I can’t” she replied, “I am married.” “So call up you husband and tell him you’re going to visit a sick girlfriend,” said the man. “Why don’t you tell him yourself?” said the girl, “he’s the one shaving you.”

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more bumper stickers…

a.. Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ASS? b.. If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you! c.. Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole d.. 100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest? e.. Your gene pool needs a little chlorine. f.. You’re just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you! g.. DON’T PISS ME OFF!!!!!! I’m running out of…

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Bigger Breasts at Any Cost

Once there was this woman who was, sad to say, very flat chested. Year after year of seeing beautiful, large-breasted women walking away with handsome guys finally got the best of her. She decided that she would have large tits at any cost. At first she went to a breast treatment center and asked for larger breasts. After several weeks, despite all the injections and fillers they had given her, her breasts were no larger. She despaired. She went everywhere,…

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Pedigree

An American and an Englishman are sharing the same compartment on a train trip to London from Paris. During their conversation, the American criticizes the arrogance of the English people. He says to the Englishmen, “You people have such stiff upper lips that you think your people are the superior race in the world. You tend to look down on people not the same as you are. As for me, I’m proud to say that I’m a quarter Irishman, two…

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