One man Jokes - page 134

Great Debate

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to leave Italy. There was, of course, a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He would have a religious debate with a leader of the Jewish community. If the Jewish leader won the debate, the Jews would be permitted to stay in Italy. If the Pope won, the Jews would have to leave. The Jewish community met and picked an aged Rabbi, Moishe,…

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Popping the Question(s)

Jimmie, an 80-year-old gentleman, retired to Florida after his wife of 58 years had passed away. He was quite alone in the world and longed for companionship again. One day, as he was walking through a public park, he spied what he considered to be a very pretty, silver-haired lady sitting alone on a park bench. Getting his nerve up, he approached the lady and asked graciously, “Pardon me, ma’am, but may I sit here with you?” The silver-haired Marcie…

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Challenge in Flight

The three greatest swordsmen were in a heated contest. The final challenge was to slice a fly released from a box. The first swordsman quickly sliced the fly in half. The second, not to be outdone, sliced the fly in thirds. The third contender apparently missed the fly, as it dropped down in the air and then flew away. A judge asked the third swordsman, “Why did you miss?” He replied, “I did not miss, Sir. That fly will no…

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Funny from the Headlines

Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked “intellectual leadership”. He received a $26 million severance package. With a Little Help from Our Friends! Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting pleas to come out and give himself up… …And What Was…

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Never Lose Sight of Your Objective!

One time, when the Chicago Cubs were digging deep in the barrel for new talent, a scout excitedly phoned manager Charlie Grimm from somewhere in the sticks. “Charlie,” he shouted, “I’ve landed the greatest young pitcher in the land. He struck out every man who came to bat—twenty-seven in a row! Nobody even got a foul until two were out in the ninth. The pitcher is right here with me. What shall I do?” Back came Grimm’s voice. “Sign up…

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I’m cumming!

A worker on a construction site of a high rise building climbed all the way to the top of the building before realizing that he needed a second pair of hands to accomplish the task he had in mind. Not wanting to climb all the way back down, and also realizing that no one would hear him if he yelled, he signaled to the foreman on the ground. He pointed first to himself, then his knee, and then the foreman,…

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Kid on a Tricycle

There was this young boy who really liked going fast. So his parents bought him a tricycle. One day his brother came over with his brand new car. The young boy ran up to his brother and begged him to give him a ride in his new, fast car. The brother said “How about this. I’ll tie your tricyle to the back of my car and I’ll pull down the street.” The young boy accepted immediately. The arrangement was that…

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Things You Shouldn’t Say To A Cop (Revised)

Things you shouldn’t say to a cop Sorry, Officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in. And that hooker I met at the AIDS clinic said you were a nice guy. Hey, you must’ve been doin’ about 125mph to keep up with me! Good job! That uniform makes your ass look really big. Excuse me. Is “stick up” hyphenated? I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a Police Officer. You don’t happen…

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Chainsaw

This fellow is looking to buy a saw to cut down some trees in his back yard. He goes to a chainsaw shop and asks about various models. The dealer tells him, “Look, I have lots of models, but why don’t you save yourself a lot of time and aggravation and get the top-of-the-line model. You can’t go wrong with this chainsaw, and it will cut a hundred cords of wood for you in one day. So, the man takes…

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Change Positions

A man makes a suggestion to his wife. “Honey, what do you say that tonight we change positions?” His wife responds with, “Yes, I would really like that! Tonight, you stand by the ironing board, and I’ll lie on the couch and watch TV.”

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