One man Jokes - page 132

Bathroom Policy

To: All Employees In the past, employees have been permitted to make trips to the restroom under informal guidelines, resulting in loss of employee time and production. Effective January 5, 1986, a Restroom Trip Policy (RTP) will be established to provide a consistent and precise method of accounting for each employee’s restroom time, as well as ensuring equal time for each employee. Under this policy, a Restroom Trip Bank (RTB) will be established for each employee. The first day of…

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KKK

25 years ago, when 30 men chased one black man, it was known as the KKK. However, today we call it the PGA tour.

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Holes

Two privates stationed at Fort Ord were handed shovels and told to bury a large dead animal. While digging they got into an argument about what they were burying. “This here’s a big mule!” “This ain’t no mule, this here’s a donkey.” “Mule!” “Donkey!” Well, this went on for a while until the camp chaplain came by. “What are you boys doing?” “We’re diggin’ a grave for this mule.” “Donkey, dammit!” The chaplain cut in, “Boys, this isn’t either one,…

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Impress Me!

TO IMPRESS A WOMAN: Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine & dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her TO IMPRESS A MAN: Show up naked. Bring beer.

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Official Baby Boomer Exam

OFFICIAL BABY BOOMER EXAM Answers below 1. “Kookie; Kookie. Lend me your ________________.” 2. The “battle cry” of the hippies in the sixties was “Turn on; tune in;________________.” 3. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, “Who was that masked man?” Invariably, someone would answer, “I don’t know, but he left this behind.” What did he leave behind?__________________ 4. Folk songs were played side by side with rock and…

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Lost In The Translation

In the Beginning was The Plan And then came the Assumptions And the Assumptions were without form and the Plan was completely without substance and the darkness was upon the face of the workers and they spoke among themselves, saying “It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh to high heaven.” And the workers went unto their Supervisors and sayeth, “It is a pail of dung and none may abide the odor thereof.” And the Supervisors went unto their…

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monkey baby

One afternoon, a woman is getting on a bus with her newborn baby. The bus driver looks at the lady and replies, “Damn, Woman, that’s the ugliest baby I have ever seen in my entire life!!!” The woman, somewhat distraught, proceeds to the back of the bus, where she is questioned by a fellow rider. “Why do you look so down?” asked the man. The woman begins to tell the man about the bus driver and the rude comment he…

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Learn the Difference

A student essay stated: “The girl tumbled down the stairs and lay prostitute at the bottom.” In the margin of the paper, the professor commented: “My Dear Sir, you must learn to distinguish between a fallen woman and one who has merely slipped.”

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Frog and a Hamster in a Bar

This mangy-lookin’ guy goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bar-tender says “No way. I don’t think you can pay for it.” The guy says “You’re right. I don’t have any money, but if I show you something you haven’t seen before, will you give me a drink?” The bartender says “Only if what you show me ain’t risque.” “Deal!” says the guy, as he reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the…

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