One man Jokes - page 13

Human Nature Laws of Behavior

“The Law of Avoiding Oversell” When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse. “The Law of Common Sense” Never accept a drink from a urologist. “The Law of Reality” Never get into fights with ugly people; they have nothing to lose. “The Law of Motivation” Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster. “Boob’s Law” You always find something in the last place you look. “Law of Impossibility” Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have…

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Jones & Sex

Jones, who had been away on an extended trip, had very romantic plans for his first night home. He told them to his wife, with great expectations, who promptly said, “Oh, I’m sorry, dear, but I’ve got to do all of this laundry. Another time, please.” The next night Jones tried again, and his wife said, “Oh my, I would like to dear, but it wouldn’t be any good. I’ve got this terrible headache. Please give me a rain check.”…

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Because I’m a Man!

Because I’m a man, when the car isn’t running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I’m looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, “I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn’t know where to start.” We will then drink beer. Because I’m a man, when one of our appliances stops…

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Just one more drop

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it. One day this scrawny little man came into the bar,…

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Ten Commandments for Children

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six-year-olds. After explaining the Commandment to “honor thy father and thy mother,” she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?” Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest in his family) answered, “Thou shall not kill.”

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Five Short Ones About Kids

My grandson was telling me that he and his three playmates attended different churches. Then he added, “It really doesn’t matter if we go to different churches, does it, Grandma, as long as we’re all Republicans?” A new neighbor asked the little girl next door if she had any brothers and sisters. She replied, “No, I’m the lonely child.” My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, “Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?” I mentally…

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Honeymoon gifts

The day before his wedding this guy decides to play a game of baseball with his buddies. Playing shortstop he gets hit in the ‘nads with a line drive. He goes to the doctor in a lot of pain, but the doctor tells him there is nothing he can do except wrap it up. So the doc takes a few tongue depressors and wraps it in a splint. The next night on his honeymoon his lovely wife comes to him…

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theblindman

There was a nun taking a bath one day. Suddenly she hears a knock on the door. “Who is it?” the nun says. “Blind man,” the guy says. “I’m busy right now,” says the nun. Suddenly she hears another knock again. “Who is it?” says the nun. “Blind man. Hurry up!” says the guy. The nun thought since it was only a blind man, he couldn’t see her. So the nun gets out the tub and she’s butt naked. She…

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