Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
102 REASONS IT’S GREAT TO BE A GUY. 1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. 2. Movie nudity is virtually always female. 3. You know stuff about tanks. 4. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase. 5. Monday Nite Football. 6. You don’t have to monitor your friends sex lives. 7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter. 8. You can open all your own jars. 9. Old friends don’t give you crap if you’ve lost or gained…
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Two guys on a motorcycle were driving down the road. The driver was wearing an old leather jacket that didn’t have any buttons or a zipper. Finally, he pulled over and told his riding buddy, “I can’t ride anymore with the air hitting me in my chest this way.” After thinking for a second, his buddy suggested, “Yo, it’s like this…put the coat on backwards to block the air from hitting you straight on.” So they continued down the road.…
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We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden delusional and other liberal, commie, pinko bedwetters. We hold these truths to be self-evident, that a whole…
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For years I lived in places with no trees, so I was thrilled to move to a home in a forest. When a tree shoot began to grow next to our front path, I was delighted, and I pampered the sapling by fertilizing, watering, and offering tender loving care. Yet it appeared to weaken. I poured out more fertilizer, but it still struggled for life. I was baffled. One evening when my room mate and I arrived home, she yanked…
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Two women met for the first time since graduating from High School. One asked the other, “Have you managed to live a well-planned life?” “Oh yes!” said her friend. “First I married a millionaire, then an actor. My third marriage was to a preacher and now I’m married to an undertaker.” “What do all those marriages have to do with a well-planned life?” “One for the money, Two for the show, Three to get ready, and Four to go.”
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Your mama is so fat: :When she hauls ass she has to make two trips. :When she dances she makes the band skip. :When she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease the doctor gave her 13 years to live. :She puts mayonnaise on aspirin. (
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A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and THIS kitchen is delirious. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes. A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house. If we are what we eat, then I’m easy, fast and cheap. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they…
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THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE AGE DRINK 17 beer 25 bourbon 35 vodka 48 double vodka 66 Maalox AGE SEDUCTION LINE 17 My parents are away for the weekend. 25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend. 35 My fiancee is away for the weekend. 48 My wife is away for the weekend. 66 My second wife is dead. AGE FAVORITE SPORT 17 sex 25 sex 35 sex 48 sex 66 napping AGE DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE 17 tongue…
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A very well-built young blond was lying on her psychiatrist’s couch, telling him how frustrated she was. “I tried to be an actress and failed,” she complained. “I tried to be a secretary and failed; I tried being a writer and failed; then I tried being a sales clerk and I failed at that, too.” The shrink thought for a moment and said, “Everyone needs to live a full, satisfying life. Why don’t you try nursing?” The girl thinks about…
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Once upon a time, Sam The Clam and Myrtle The Turtle fell in love. Sam Clam, as Myrtle would call him, owned a discotheque and every night both would dance and dance until the wee hours of the morning. One early evening, tragedy struck and Myrtle The Turtle passed away and went to heaven. When she arrived at the pearly gates, St. Peter gave her the customary angel’s wings, a halo, and a harp, and evaluated her life. “Myrtle, you…
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