Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand. I am in shape. Round is a shape. Time may be a great healer, but it’s also a lousy beautician. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic. Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good. Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand. Stupidity got us into this mess — why can’t it get us out? Even if you are on the…
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This American golf fanatic always dreamed of playing at St. Andrews, and finally got the chance. Going with his wife, they teed off andhe proceeded to play the best game of his life. After 9 holes, he was 5 strokes under par,and was on cloud nine. On the back nine, he started playing even better,even getting an Eagle on the 16th hole. He was so excited that he ended up slicing the shot on the 17th tee,and as he walked…
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A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco’s Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs. “Twelve dollars for the rat, sir,” says the shop owner, “and a thousand dollars more for the story behind it.” “You can keep the story, old man,” he replies, “but I’ll take…
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Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable, because no matter how legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I’m lying. On one occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was too humiliating to reveal. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on my crown.…
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This doesn’t quite qualify as a Darwin Award, but it comes pretty close… PADERBORN, GERMANY – Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let fly — and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive-oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him like…
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Ron and Elaine had been married ten years, had no children, and were beginning to drift apart. Elaine told her mother one day that she thought her marriage was in trouble. “For God’s sake, Elaine”, said her mother, “you and Ron have to see a marriage counselor. Ron’s a wonderful guy, and you’ll never find anyone who’d be as good to you as he is.” So Elaine phoned her cousin Harriet, who’d been through marriage troubles herself, to get the…
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Dear Mom and Dad: It has now been three months since I left for college. I have been remiss in writing this and I am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in nothaving written before. I will bring you up to date now, but before youread on, please sit down. YOU ARE NOT TO READ ANY FURTHER UNLESS YOU ARE SITTING DOWN. OKAY! Well then, I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and the concussion I got when…
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1. Marriage is a 3 ring circus: engagement ring wedding ring suffering 2. Marriages are made in heaven… Then again, so are thunder and lightning 3. Marriage is when a man and a woman become one. The problem is WHICH ONE? 4. Marriage is not a word. It is a life long exclamation. 5. Marriage is when fantasy wins over reality. Reality bites! 6. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the “y” becomes silent.…
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TOP TEN REASONS WHY WOMEN REJECT MEN AND WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN 10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in “Deliverance.”) 9. There’s a slight difference in our ages. (You are one jurassic geezer.) 8. I’m not attracted to you in ‘that’ way. (You are the ugliest dork I’ve ever laid eyes upon.) 7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don’t want you spending the whole night or else…
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Veteran Pillsbury spokesman, The Pillsbury Doughboy, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a slightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, Captain Crunch, and many others. The graveside was piled high in flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who ?never knew how much…
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