One at a time Jokes - page 61

Axioms for the Internet Age

1. Home is where you hang your @ 2. The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail. 3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click. 4. You can’t teach a new mouse old clicks. 5. Great groups from little icons grow. 6. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone. 7. C:\is the root of all directories. 8. Don’t put all your hypes in one home page. 9. Pentium wise, pen and paper foolish.…

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Restroom De-lights

A male pastor walked into a neighborhood pub to use the restroom. The place was hopping with music and dancing until people saw the pastor. As the room quieted down, he walked up to the bartender and asked, “May I please use the restroom?” The bartender replied, “I really don’t think you should.” “Why not?” the pastor asked. “I really need to use the restroom!” “Well, I don’t think you should because there is a statue of a naked woman…

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If an OS Ran an Airline

IF OPERATING SYSTEMS RAN THE AIRLINES – by J. Hovind UNIX Airways Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about WHAT kind of plane they are supposed to be building. Air DOS Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they…

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Men are like…..

For you ladies (and men so you’re prepared), a little MEN ARE LIKE humor: MEN ARE LIKE… Floor Tiles, if you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them for years. MEN ARE LIKE… Bank Accounts, without a lot of money, they don’t generate much interest. MEN ARE LIKE… Blenders, you need one, but you’re not quite sure why. MEN ARE LIKE… Chocolate Bars, sweet, smooth and they usually head right to your hips. MEN ARE…

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Feeling fine

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. “Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine,’?” said the lawyer. Farmer Joe responded, “Well I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the…….” “I didn’t ask for any details,” the lawyer interrupted, “just answer the question.” “Did…

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Marital Bliss

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. Why do women have smaller feet than men? It’s one of those “evolutionary things” that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. How do you know…

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Bar Talk Interpretations

No, really, I’m O.K. to drive… – I’m wasted, and I am too embarrassed to have anybody see who I’m going with I’m not used to these darts… – I’m not used to throwing anything smaller than a pool cue when I’m this bombed. Let’s go out to my car and get some cigarettes…(male to female) – You would look great face down in my lap. Want to check out my new car stereo? (male to female) – I have…

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Top 10 Lies Heard in Cancun, Mexico

10. Yes, of course the water is purified. 9. I don’t usually drink this much. 8. I’ll be right back with your change. 7. None of my silver is plated. 6. I’ll ask my manager. 5. No hablo ingles. 4. My dad owns this place. 3. Really, the free breakfast has nothing to do with time share. 2. I’m divorced, I just wear the ring for my kids. 1. Just one more drink and we’ll go home!!

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A Thinking Problem

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone–“to relax,” I told myself–but I knew it wasn’t true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time. I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don’t mix, but…

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Girls vs. skis

Top Ten Reasons Why Skis are Better Than Girls 10. You can choose exactly what you want your skis to look like; short, long, straight, shaped, flat, plus they come in a variety of colors. 9. Your skis won’t talk back to you. 8. You can use your skis any time you want. 7. You can use both of your skis at the same time, and they won’t care. 6. After a day of skiing, one ski won’t turn to…

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