One at a time Jokes - page 55

Forest Rangers and Drugs

The State of Florida had a problem. The drug busts over the years had filled their storage areas with marijuana. It was decided that their only option was to burn all of the marijuana on hand. On that eventful day, a huge mound of marijuana was torched. The fire raged, and the smoke of the weed lifted in a large cloud. Just at this time, a flock of terns flew though this cloud. A group of forest rangers (aka their…

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Desperately seeking technical support

Desperately seeking technical support: I’m currently running the latest version of Girlfriend 5.0 and having some problems. I’ve been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 for years as my primary application, and all the Girlfriend releases have always conflicted with it. I hear that DrinkingBuddies won’t crash if you minimize Girlfriend with the sound off, but since I can’t find the switch to turn it off, I just run them separately and it works OK. Girlfriend also seems to…

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Is That How It Really Happened?

Every night just before bedtime, Little Johnny listens to his father reading fairy tales. Having a deep sense of humor, his father usually ad-libs some parts of the fairy tales just for fun. One day, Little Johnny is in class listening to the teacher reading the story of the Three Little Pigs. The teacher reads, “… and the little pig met a man pushing a wheelbarrow full of straw. So the little pig said to the man, ‘Excuse me, mister.…

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Engine Trouble

One day a blonde and a redhead were on a flight to Texas. They were one hour into the flight when they heard a loud BOOM! The pilot comes over the intercom and says, “Sorry for the noise folks. It seems that one of our engines has blown. But we have 3 other engines left so we will only be an hour off our arrival time.” Then 5 minutes later there was another loud BOOM! The pilot came over the…

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Drunken man

There is this cop who is running low on his quota for the month and decides to check out one of the rowdier bars in town to catch some drunks. So, he’s waiting outside when about closing time this guy walks out, staggering, and falls down on the sidewalk. The cop is thinking, “boy, he’s drunk, this will be a good arrest.” The drunk guy crawls to his car, fiddles with his keys for about 30 minutes until he finds…

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Seems a Little Cloudy

Elderly Harry was in the hospital. Every time this young nurse came in, she talked to him like a little child. She would say, in a very patronizing tone of voice, “And how are we doing this morning??!!!” Well, this a story of revenge. Harry had received breakfast, pulled the juice off the tray and put it on his stand. He had been given a Urine bottle to fill. The juice was apple, and you know what Harry did with…

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Baseball in Heaven

There were two baseball players whom had been friends for a long time. Well, they had made a promise to each other that if one had died before the other that he would come back and tell him how heaven was. As fate would have it, one of the men died in a car crash a couple of weeks later. One night while he was getting ready to go to bed, his dead buddy appeared in his room, so he…

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TECHNIQUES ON BEING AN EFFECTIVE EMPLOYEE

1. Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they?re heading for the cafeteria. People with the newspaper in their hands look like they?re heading for the bathroom. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.…

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Top 20 things you will NEVER hear a woman say

1. We both work and you got the check last time. Let me get it. 2. I don’t need another pair of shoes. I have a closet full of them I don’t wear now. 3. Maybe this isn’t the right time time talk about this. Let’s talk later. 4. We always talk about how I feel. How do you feel? If you don’t know, that’s OK. 5. You’re right, I’m wrong. I’m sorry. 6. I’m sorry I made such a…

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Cajun Fishermen

Poo Poo Boudreaux and Poo Poo Thibodeaux were coming up in an inlet in the motor boat when they saw another boat loaded with fish. Seeing as how their luck had been awful today, Boudreaux asked the fisherman what his secret was. He said, “Jes go out to sea till the water she gets fresh. Den stop der and drop yer line.” Excited, Boudreaux fired up the motor and headed out to sea. When they got a little ways out,…

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